Still fighting the natural order....long
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Still fighting the natural order....long
| Thu, 08-06-2009 - 2:51am |
Hey everybody,
I've been thinking a lot about this amazing and sometimes painful, love affair

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I have a couple of thoughts here, so please forgive me if I seem to bounce from one to the other.
*I think it would be extremely difficult to be in an unbalanced situation as you are in.
Wow.. Did you leave your marriage for him, or did you leave your marriage of your own accord? Did he ask you to leave your marriage or did he care if you did or not? Has he ever said he intends to leave his marriage?
I realize the classic situation of having kids (and that is huge & financial obligations also huge) would be a factor for him not leaving, but has he said he plans on divorcing someday?
I too would like to know if a future is possible starting under these circumstances. Do you really have the opportunity to date then and then what ... perhaps you are not a compatible as you seem.
Things I have read are not good about second marriages never lasting as long as the first often ending in divorce as well.
Is it true then once a cheater always a cheater? Would you be able to trust that other person who left their wife for you? Would they be able to trust you?
Is anybody's marriage close to perfect anyhow? is it the daily grind of being together paying bills, raising children, what wear a couple down to where they are of course attracted to someone else?
or is it really a wrong mis match with first spouse and true love is possible the second time around?
Hi anotherfive,
Thank you for your reply, you sound like you've figured out things for yourself and I confess that I'm a trifle envious. No, I'm a lot envious!
*I think it would be extremely difficult to be in an unbalanced situation as you are in.
Oh Benska,
Hi Benska,
Hi memorysong,
Thank you very much for your kind words, it really cheered me up!
My g/daughter is wonderful, she just had
Hi oliveyou2009,
Well, those are some questions that you've asked. I will do my best to answer (although I don't know that I have any answers that make sense).
Wow.. Did you leave your marriage for him, or did you leave your marriage of your own accord? Technically, I did not leave the marriage...my H left when he moved out of our apartment and
Hi benska2003. Wow! I related so much to your post, I actually started wondering if I sleep-posted :-) . My situation is so similar to yours, except neither of us has kids. He has been married for 20+ years and my stbx and I for 15. I'm not leaving my H because of him. Rather, I think he was the catalyst that made me really take a long, hard look at my marriage. Like you, I had
Hi Benska,
I am not even sure if I am in affair or not. The questions about an affair led me to searching around this board and your post felt very heartfelt and similar situation. I have been married a long time and without passion & sex for a long time. That isn't the worst of it, husband is verbally abusive, alcoholic although working on not drinking. The verbally abusive part is there drinking or not. In fact a few years ago, I made the decision to get me through the marriage until our children were older to try and make the best of the situation. Basically we have lived kinda separate lives with that, and I have focused on our children, and when our youngest went off to college I thought I would revisit that. Even with that thought thru, I was not looking for an affair. Even with those plans, I didn't know how much longer I could remain married having a best friend with cancer it makes you re-evaluate your quality of life in all ways. My husband is a good provider for our children, so I am grateful for that. He isn't happy and since he doesn't love himself, he will never be able to love me either. I recently asked him if he thought we should get a divorce, because I really think we would both be happier and he said he loved me, was sorry for being such an a**hole and would work on being a better person.
uhm, but now at this point I am not sure I believe him, or worse want to stay with him because my heart is constantly thinking of another.
You left your marriage because of your love for him and he didn't respond in kind.
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