1) In response to your comments about replies to your last posts - getting advice that you don't want to hear is NOT the same thing as getting advice that is 'mean'. If you are a person who is secure with herself, you will see the difference.
2) Your H just found out about this. Things in your home cannot be 'back to normal'. Maybe on the surface things have calmed down, but there's no way your H could have dealt with this kind of news in any kind of healthy way in just a few days. So, you've got a lot more work to do with the M if you truly want it to work. From your post it sounded like the tone was "well, all's back to normal at home so now my mind is back on exMM..."
3) You do not "still want XMM back". You are going through the (very normal) process of getting over a relationship. Even bad relationships (and I'm not saying yours was) are associated with feeling of hurt, sadness, regret, etc. when they end. Your relationship may have been fraught with confusion on your part (judging from your various posts) and that's not altogether abnormal, and neither are your feelings now that it's ended.
4) This man wants his marriage to work and wants you to stop pursuing him. My advice would be to do that. His W knows and you were the one who told him, for whatever reason you rationalized. I'm sorry, but there is no going back to the way it was before. No explanations will make it the way it was.
To answer your question, I arrived at the impression that XMM wants to keep his family because of your statement:
"He's still preaching the doom and gloom about losing his entire family"
and also because you said he wanted to leave and clear his head and wasn't real enthusiastic when you asked to tag along.
If I misinterpreted that, then I am very sorry.
I've been in many challenging situations across the seven years of my A, so I can relate to you in some ways, believe it or not. But, given that you know absolutely nothing about my story, I am baffled as to how you can call me a hypocrite. But that's your opinion, based on whatever you're basing it on, and you're completely entitled to it.
I know only slightly more about you, this is true. But the difference here is that you posted and asked for opinions and advice on your situation. (And bumped the post, asking for advice of any kind).
You're as welcome to post here as anyone. It's your decision, but you do have to be able to accept the advice when you ask for it. You don't have to act on it, but you should at least be able to hear the opinions of others and then put it in the perspective of your OWN situation, since you're the only one who truly understands it.
1) In response to your comments about replies to your last posts - getting advice that you don't want to hear is NOT the same thing as getting advice that is 'mean'. If you are a person who is secure with herself, you will see the difference.
2) Your H just found out about this. Things in your home cannot be 'back to normal'. Maybe on the surface things have calmed down, but there's no way your H could have dealt with this kind of news in any kind of healthy way in just a few days. So, you've got a lot more work to do with the M if you truly want it to work. From your post it sounded like the tone was "well, all's back to normal at home so now my mind is back on exMM..."
3) You do not "still want XMM back". You are going through the (very normal) process of getting over a relationship. Even bad relationships (and I'm not saying yours was) are associated with feeling of hurt, sadness, regret, etc. when they end. Your relationship may have been fraught with confusion on your part (judging from your various posts) and that's not altogether abnormal, and neither are your feelings now that it's ended.
4) This man wants his marriage to work and wants you to stop pursuing him. My advice would be to do that. His W knows and you were the one who told him, for whatever reason you rationalized. I'm sorry, but there is no going back to the way it was before. No explanations will make it the way it was.
Best of luck to you,
Kari
Edited 11/16/2003 6:10:36 PM ET by xterra2003
To answer your question, I arrived at the impression that XMM wants to keep his family because of your statement:
"He's still preaching the doom and gloom about losing his entire family"
and also because you said he wanted to leave and clear his head and wasn't real enthusiastic when you asked to tag along.
If I misinterpreted that, then I am very sorry.
I've been in many challenging situations across the seven years of my A, so I can relate to you in some ways, believe it or not. But, given that you know absolutely nothing about my story, I am baffled as to how you can call me a hypocrite. But that's your opinion, based on whatever you're basing it on, and you're completely entitled to it.
I know only slightly more about you, this is true. But the difference here is that you posted and asked for opinions and advice on your situation. (And bumped the post, asking for advice of any kind).
You're as welcome to post here as anyone. It's your decision, but you do have to be able to accept the advice when you ask for it. You don't have to act on it, but you should at least be able to hear the opinions of others and then put it in the perspective of your OWN situation, since you're the only one who truly understands it.