Stolen cake is much sweeter !?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
Stolen cake is much sweeter !?!
5
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 5:36pm

Hey everyone !

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 6:58pm

How do I put this tactfully?

Stop obsessing, you will drive him away. Get yourself into counselling ASAP before you send him running. Of course you have insecurities, but I think you are blowing them out of proportion. She is the mother of his children, he is going to care about her and his kids. She is always going to be a part of his life because of that. His kids are going to come first, probably above you and you're going to need to get a handle on this. It is good that xW and he are talking, good for the kids and good for the both of you. Would you prefer a bitter, BS hating you and him and holding their kids to ransom? As they are on good terms, it is very likely she is going to try to get him back, and if you keep letting your insecurities get in the way, you are going to help her succeed.

Please go and get help. As you said, you've fought for him for 2 years, don't throw it away with something that you can get fixed. He chose you. He did what most men will never do, he left and D his W and CHOSE YOU.

Pisces




Edited 11/23/2008 8:30 pm ET by pisces2008
pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 7:06pm
please take a deep breathe and look at him and realize he is with YOU! of course u feel some insecurity but he wants u and once the papers are signed and u 2 settle in you will feel so much better...and--he needs ur support now more then ever.
i;m with pisces i adore my guy but having him leave his family--i don't allow myself to ever
float that idea :)
enjoy him..good luck hun
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 9:32am

thanks ladies for your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 4:47pm

Rlehouse -


I just want to echo the other posters sentiments - you really have to calm down and understand that he is with you because he WANTS to be with you.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 3:47am

I am sorry, but I disagree to an extent from the other posters. I think that it is INSANE that he allows his EXW to sleep over at his house, and your suppose to be ok w/ that? NO WAY! That is pushing it. Yes, it is imperative that they get along for the sake of the children, but there has to be limits. I know that what they are saying about him choosing you over her is great, and proves who he wants to be w/ for real, but the fact that things are so shaky between you two, and so lovely between them is a warning sign.

I don't know about you, but I when my AP does something that I will absolutely not tolerate, I tell him "I love you, but this is deal breaker." I save that line for extreme behaviors, and this situation w/ his W is an extreme behavior. He knows that I am very considerate of his feelings, and try very hard, maybe too hard to not make too many demands of him, because the last thing he needs is another needy clingy female in his life, but sometimes you have to speak up. In MY opinion this is one of those times.

I mean if your not insecure about everything that he does, and are reasonable w/ your demands then he should be able to recognize the fact that this is out of the ordinary for you, and perhaps he should pay attention.

I do agree w/ the other posters in other areas. The first being the counseling, it will do you more good than you can imagine. The other thing is about driving him away. Now I am sure that he had high hopes for this relationship as you did, and I am sure that it has been somewhat of a reality check for him when the fighting started. I think that it is of the utmost importance that you try to resolve the arguing or he will leave, No one wants to live w/ that constant fighting crap. It's too much contention. I am not sure if you fight over other things besides the issue w/ the EXW. I heard a therapist say once that if you fight over everything then you're fighting over nothing, and there's a fundamental problem. Something that is wrong w/ the basis of your relationship. I think that it is the fact that you were together in an A first. I don't know if you can get past that or not, but I wish you luck. I hope that you two are able to work things out.