I saw that you said she shuts down when you bring up options for her. That made me think that she might not be ready to admit what is happening. Its not easy for someone to admit to themselves - let alone to anyone else - that they are at the mercy of an abuser. It means she is admitting to someone very important to her (i.e. you) that she has no control over her life. She could be embarrassed or ashamed.
You can help her to see that it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. I will email you some resources that you can share with her - things that will help her see that many, many people live in the circumstances she is living in - they say one in three women will suffer domestic violence at some point. That's a huge number. Perhaps that knowledge that she is not alone will help. You can also call a DV hotline - they're there to support anyone touched by domestic violence - and ask them to advise you on how to get her to open up.
But in the end, trust and time are the two things that will lead her to open up to you. No doubt she trusts you. But she has to trust in your relationship that you won't think any less of her, and, living with an abuser, there's a different type of trust that she will develop. She already placed trust of her life in the hands of someone and he let her down in the worst way. So, while she loves you and trusts you, she may not fully trust anyone until she can detach herself from her current situation. So she may
Are you still serious? i cant believe it! There can be lots of ' what ifs' in this situation. be careful, is all i can say. Are you sure its meant to be? what if she leaves him for you and then she doesnt want to be with you? wants to date other guys?
I still cant believe that her H knows about you! he knows that her W has OM in her life? I had plenty of A's in my m life but no one knew about them.My W had,but i never knew! Maybe we were too busy with our A's, ha ha ha !
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Real_love I have to appologize.
Real Love - welcome to the board!
You will find
I saw that you said she shuts down when you bring up options for her. That made me think that she might not be ready to admit what is happening. Its not easy for someone to admit to themselves - let alone to anyone else - that they are at the mercy of an abuser. It means she is admitting to someone very important to her (i.e. you) that she has no control over her life. She could be embarrassed or ashamed.
You can help her to see that it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. I will email you some resources that you can share with her - things that will help her see that many, many people live in the circumstances she is living in - they say one in three women will suffer domestic violence at some point. That's a huge number. Perhaps that knowledge that she is not alone will help. You can also call a DV hotline - they're there to support anyone touched by domestic violence - and ask them to advise you on how to get her to open up.
But in the end, trust and time are the two things that will lead her to open up to you. No doubt she trusts you. But she has to trust in your relationship that you won't think any less of her, and, living with an abuser, there's a different type of trust that she will develop. She already placed trust of her life in the hands of someone and he let her down in the worst way. So, while she loves you and trusts you, she may not fully trust anyone until she can detach herself from her current situation. So she may
Thank You..... I will
Are you serious?
Are you still serious? i cant believe it! There can be lots of ' what ifs' in this situation. be careful, is all i can say.
Are you sure its meant to be? what if she leaves him for you and then she doesnt want to be with you? wants to date other guys?
I still cant believe that her H knows about you! he knows that her W has OM in her life? I had plenty of A's in my m life but no one knew about them.My W had,but i never knew! Maybe we were too busy with our A's, ha ha ha !
Your situation worries me. Doesnt kinda stick .you sound determined. why?
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