Strictly sexual affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Strictly sexual affair
5
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 1:32am
I've been having an affair for about 6 months. This man used to be a friend of my husband's but they had a falling out that had nothing at all to do with our affair. My husband has no knowledge whatsoever of this affair.

This is not my first affair. But this one is something that I almost can't live without. I do enjoy sex with my husband. I look at it this way, My husband can do things that my affair cannot. In other words I thoroughly enjoy and crave the loving-making and closeness of being with my husband but my affair is strictly sex without feelings of love or deep intimacy. The other man is considerably larger than my husband and has much more stamina. But since I do not love this other man I feel surprizingly detached from him. After a few amazing rounds with this other guy, I can get dressed, have a cigarette, give him a quick peck goodbye and leave. In a nutshell ladies, I guess I'm having my cake and eating it too. Am I doing something wrong here? I feel guilty for not feeling any guilt. And I can't stop sleeping with this other guy. Actually I really don't want it to end. It's too good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 4:59pm
I think if you are not leading him on in anyway, and your both getting what you need/want ...it's all good then. It would be bad if he is falling in love with you and you aren't at all interested in him that way. Good luck to you and enjoy your cake & eat it too ! :)

~Wishing~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 8:58pm
Hi Bartender. I also was in a sexual affair for 2 years. We were fond of each other I think however. After 1 year he tried to break it off, then said was it okay if we only continued for Sex? I said, "I thought that's only what it was?" Because neither of us were going to leave our M, we never said we loved each other, but we loved what we did together. Then he broke it off suddenly. I'm hoping to hear from him again but its been 8 weeks almost NC. I can't believe that all of a sudden his W started liking sex after all these years, hello ... my H is still not interested. So I'm hoping that eventually he will contact me. But I was very happy to go along that route, I didn't want a divorce, neither did he. We were meeting each other's needs very well, and I did not feel guilty. My H does not feel guilty denying me whenever I asked him. Why should I feel guilty getting something I need, before I'm too old to give a damn?? At least I have some nice memories, if nothing else, for my old age.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 10:37pm
It puts me at ease to hear that I'm not the only one who has gone through something like this. Now I wonder why I've questioned myself at all. I guess as women we tend to dissect everthing. Thanks for replying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 10:45pm
Sometimes I go a few weeks or even a month without hearing from him. And I do believe we are fond of eachother too. It's as if we are friends. Friends with a little extra perk. Can that be? I dunno. I know in my heart that I don't love him. It's just a different feeling alltogether. It's just simply sex. People who haven't experienced this don't understand at all and will argue that we are falling in love. I don't feel that at all for him. We don't spend anytime together unless we are in bed. You can't fall in love with someone that way. But anyways, Hope you hear from him. Maybe he just needed a break. Like you said,I really doubt his wife's suddenly interested in him again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 6:47pm
Hey bartender and welcome,

what can I say?? good on you!! if you can keep this strickly sexual... then I say go for it! I think a lot of women enter an EMA for the sex... myself included... I knew that's what it was... but over three and a half years of a friendship that has matured and leaning on this person for support and other needs as well... I found myself falling in love with him.

As I said... I think it's great that you can do this and as long as the both of you have an understanding of what you have... then go with it. Just remember though... that those feelings can... and Im not saying they will... but they can at any stage appear for either of you... and if and when that happens... you must ensure that you are still both getting what you want out of it... otherwise it may be time to walk away.

Good luck with it... and enjoy it for what it is

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
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