Stuck in the past - please help...

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Stuck in the past - please help...
3
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 12:25pm
I need advice. I'm married now for four years and have a 3 year old daughter. I care for my husband but we have a relationship full of conflict and turmoil. I do not feel we underderstand each other. Starting two years ago I found myself fantasizing about my first boyfriend of 10 years ago. I dream about him and I cannot get him out my head. I decided to contact him a year ago but was unsuccessful in locating him. A month ago I attended a conference and there he was walking toward me. My heart sunk and jumped all at once. I was so excited that I wanted to kiss him and run away with him. I found out he's unhappily married and constantly misses me. He even drives by my mom's house occasionally. We just started having an affair and I felt I was home. I'm afraid of what may happen and I definitely do not want to be a home wrecker. My husband will not find out because he's behind bars but his wife could. Would it be worth staying to find out what can happen or should I walk away? Is it destiny or not?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 1:32pm
Contacting an old love can bring back very strong feelings regardless of whether you are happily married or not. You should read Dr. Nancy Kalish's book, Lost and Found Loves. It sounds as though neither one of you are in a positive situation with your present marriages. Now that you have rekindled your love, you are going to find it difficult to give up the happiness you have found together. There are many things to consider. My advice is to take your time and sort through it as you go, taking one day at a time. You will need time to resolve the whys of having gone separate ways and how you both want to deal with the future (if any) of this relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 2:39pm
I too have been in your place. I recently found an old flame, and started an A with him. Though our marriages are both on the rocks, we can't leave yet. It lasted for about four months, then he got scared of our feelings and cut me off. About a month ago he called me and now we are seeing each other again, but we are careful. The feelings i had for him years ago, stayed thru the years, and i try not to get to attached. All you can do is what your heart tells you to. Hang in there and be happy with what you have now.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 6:17pm
I agree, reading this book and it makes a lot of sense for who have re- united with their long lost lovers. It gives you a whole new perpective about this kind of relationship and its dynamics. My affair is such a realtionship too - my OM is my long lost love.