Such mixed up feelings
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Such mixed up feelings
| Sun, 09-14-2003 - 9:39pm |
How can I be so completely happy one minute, when he's with me. But when he goes home at night to her, I fall to pieces. It's hard to breathe, I start to cry, & I can't stop. He's going to leave, I know he will. But that doesn't make the nights any easier. I'm tired of him sleeping next to her. But I'm afraid of pushing him too far. I need this to end, the part where he lives with her. I don't know, I'm just in a mood. You know PMS time. I hate these feelings. I won't give up on him, but during this time I don't know how to handle the nights. I'm on here alot. I can't even fall asleep at night without some sort of sleeping pill to knock me out. Because if I atempt to do it on my own, I'll lay there thinking of where and who he's laying next to. Should I tell him that I can't take anymore of these nights alone, knowing where he is? Is that too much to ask? My heart just is so tired of aching. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's the pms, or a normal reaction.

I must confess, the nights are the worst and falling asleep sometimes seems to be more of a chore than it is worth. I tell myself that I can't do this any longer, the pain is just not worth it, but then I hear his voice and my resolve is renewed - at least for a little while. Perhaps the best thing to do - and yes, I need to take my own advice - is to figure out if the good out weights the bad. Are there more benefits to being in this relationship than negative aspects? How much have you invested - emotionally. It is amazing to me how some of the ladies (assuming the majority of those on this site are women) have been in their R's for years!!! I don't know if I can hang in that long, but we shall see.
saatty
I feel better this morning. But it made for a long night. He called me today from work, since I had the day off. He doesn't get off of work until 7:30 tonight, but I'm sure he'll come by after work. He told me he misses me. I still want so badly to tell him that I really think he needs to do it & soon. I don't see what he's waiting for. He doesn't even know himself. He's told me he just needs to do it. He's said he dosen't know what he's waiting for. That scares me alot. I'm so afraid that when he does leave she's going to go hysterical & he's going to crumble. I don't know what I'll do if that happens. He says it won't, but I don't think he has a clue as to how she'll act. Not that I do. You really never know how anyone is going to act in that situation. Maybe he'll get lucky and her pride will not let her beg. Oh how I hope so. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. That ache you talked about, it always seems to be there, it's just that sometimes it hurts worse then others. I wish I could be numb sometimes. But then again if that were the case, I'd miss out on the wonderful feeling I get when I'm with mm.