Sudden Change
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Sudden Change
| Thu, 11-13-2008 - 6:11pm |
Well I am mostly a lurker but have posted a few times. AP and I have been in A for 2 years and 3 months. I have been married going on 10 years with two elementary age children. He has been married for 12 years and has one elementary age child and one middle school child. Last time I posted about A, it was D-Day for him. Wife was suspicious about me and threw AP out of house. We were very careful for a while and she turned her suspicions to another person that he knew. She has been

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The condom thing would send up a HUGE. RED. FLAG. for me. I don't think there's any doubt in your mind. I'm sorry, I know that couldn't have felt good for you.
Gal...
Wow...ok, where to begin.
Go with your gut instinct. That's why we have them for. Something's not right and you know it. I wouldn't stand for him talking to any other women if I'm around let alone letting him answer a call from a female.
On the other hand, you're still M and obsessing over this separated MM acting like he's single is not productive. I think you need to examine what you want to happen in your life first. By putting crap on top of the crap you're already carrying, well, no wonder thing's are very messy.
Let's be realistic, your AP is probably NOW (that he's separated), is sleeping around with other women. Unless you get out of your M and be with your AP IRL, you can't complain. Either you accept it and forever hold your peace or reject it and make your M work.
If your AP is serious about wanting to M you, then he needs to make permanent arrangements to get out of his M. He also should lay off other women and be truthful to you when he goes out at night.
I know... it is a huge red flag which is why I had to write that long post. I had to write it down and then stop and read it myself. I just find myself giving him the benefit of the doubt and making excuses for him.
Thanks ineverknewi for your comment
I know that bringing AP to the house was very risky. That was the first time I had ever done that with my husband in the same town. I guess you could say that I was thinking with the "wrong head." I really wanted him. Being with this guy has made me understand men a lot better. I understand how they just "want it." I feel that way with AP. I could be really upset with him, but if I have an opportunity to be intimate with him, I will make amends real quick. Funny!
Santoria, you are absolutely right about my expectations being out of whack. He just expresses so much love for me and talks about how he wishes we were together, how he wishes he could hold me in public, how dumb my husband is for cheating on me, and we talk about how everybody we know would react when we end up together. Not "if we do" but "when we do. " So when somebody talks like that, it just makes you feel like he is going to wait for me and he is mine.
About my situation, well... when I first posted here over a year ago. I swore I would not leave my husband. He is good to me, treats me like I am EVERYTHING. Compliments me all the time. As a matter of fact, last week we took the kids to the bookstore and I started reading a book that I couldn't put down. When it was time to leave he told me to buy it but I wanted to wait to buy it at a discounted bookstore. Well this morning he got home from work (he works nights) and it turns out he
Your husband sounds like a really good guy.
If you can't find it in your heart to forgive your husband and
Well Gal, a big hug and a wet noodle for you.
I say that because I can relate and have gotten the wet noodle myself on these A boards.
Isn't just insane what we choose to engage in?
Why would you subject yourself to this type of treatment.
Okay my husband is in the military too. We had issues, but we worked them out. One thing I never did was cheat on him while he was in Iraq. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. If you love your husband you will let the past go and move forward, but at this point you are using it for an excuse to cheat. The truth is either you have got emotionally hung on this man , or you like having both men in your life. Now this is when we as cheaters have to grow up. It is not right to keep both people in a relationship with us if we can't be true to them. If you want this other man, end your marriage. If it were about the kids you would stop. Fact is if you guys are in the same town and if it is
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