Suggestions Welcome

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Suggestions Welcome
1
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 10:00pm
I've been having an affair for six years with a married man. Only a couple of close girlfriends and my 22 year old daughter know about it.

Divorced after 10 years in 1997, I met this man and we began a relationship. The sex is great. We get together maybe once or twice a week; sometimes more, sometimes less. Have "sleep overs" when his wife is out of town. We have very deep feelings for each other. My exhusband and I are still battling out custody of our 13 yr old son - currently we have alternating week custody. I pay that man child support!

Anyway, the affair I'm in works so fine for me. No commitment. I get to call my own shots. I don't have to worry about dating anyone. The sex is great. I DON'T want him to leave his wife!

But lately, he's been thinking about our future together. Even says he's thinking about leaving his wife because he "loves" me. I do care for him very much, but I can't imagine living with him fulltime or being married to him.

He is rather jealous - thinks I'm dating other people when I'm not. Actually after my divorce, he's the only one I've been with. He is rather moody - maybe that's why I can't imagine being married to him or living with him fulltime.

How on earth do I get this across to him? I know he'll be very upset, but Christmas is just around the corner and I'm panicking because I think he may try to propose. I do have a hard time telling people "no"!

I just want what we have to continue on and on. Maybe someday I'll think about being with him full time (like when my 13 yr old grows up). But right now, and for the forseeable future, I DON'T want to commit to anyone except my kids.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be most appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 8:09am
I think you should tell him exactly what you told us. If you feel that you do not want to be with this man on a full time basis, he NEEDS to know that. I know that it may be hard to tell someone that you do not feel as strongly for them, or you do not see a future, etc.....but the only way to handle the situation is to tell him the truth. If you have a hard time saying "no" and you think he is going to propose???? What will you do if he does? That would become a VERY sticky situation if it is not what you want, and you just sort of fall into it. I say tell him everything open and honestly before it becomes too late. Good Luck!!

*hugs*