Suicide Worries

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
Suicide Worries
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 6:57pm

I can't go into a lot of detail here because I'm worried that my AP might see this.

He told me that recently he had an episode where he has threatened suicide to his W. This scares the hell out of me. We are still together, but because of a near D-Day we haven't been able to see each other in person for awhile. We talk on the phone at least once every day and email each other during the day.

He told me he's been thinking about it for awhile because he feels trapped. Not with me, but with his job and I think his family. He said he feels responsible for the people in his life that he's hurt; me for example since we can't see each other now. I told him that's ridiculous since I love him and I'm trying to be patient, which I am. He said the thing that stopped him was thinking about me finding out about him from the news or from me calling his work.

I made him promise to call me if he thinks this way again and he swears he is going to get help. I'll make sure of that.

But in the meantime, how do I support him? I broached backing off on our relationship and he laughed and said that if we backed off anymore there would be nothing. He told me I am a big part of his life now and that he wants me in his life.

We became very serious with each other and fell fully in love with each other. We are both married with kids. His kids are younger than mine. He doesn't want to leave his wife because he wants to wait until his kids are in college. I've agreed to wait for him even though I could leave now.

I don't know what to do. I want to stay with him and support him. I love him very much. Is there anything else I can do? I've asked him if he wants to back away from communication and he said no, he wants things to get better for us and so we can see each other.

I feel bad he is feeling this low. I almost feel it's because of me. He told me today that he feels he can't have the things in his life that he wants and he eluded this was me.

Any advice would be greatful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 7:41pm
If you read my last few posts, I just buried mine last week. He like yours could not face the issues in his life so he took a handful of pills, antifreeze and a bottle of vodka. He texted me that he was going to do something I would hate. He would not answer my calls or texts so I had the cops do a welfare check as he is 400+ miles away and they found him. He was still alive but never came out of a coma. He had mentioned it once before and we talked about it and how it wasn't the right choice but yet on that morning, he decided otherwise. He needs help but you cannot force him to get it. It has to be on his terms.

I am so sorry your going through this...I am living it today so I do feel your pain. If you need to talk, PM me any time, I am here for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2012
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 7:46pm

Thanks. I have followed your story and actually mentioned it to him this weekend before I knew what happened. We have talked about this before so this isn't the first time it's come up.

I may PM you later if I have any questions. I guess now I am just hanging tight to see what happens. I hate that more than anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 6:00am


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2011
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 2:23pm

I figure that if you are worried that he might read it, you better delete it .

Anywho, its never a good idea to ignore a suicidal person ,like heissick said . I had a friend who comitted suicide . Its after her death I found out that its not death that the person is seaking , its the unbearable pain that they want to stop and death is the only way they figure to stop it. If you notice, people who commit suicide dont actually want to die .

Only advice I have for you is to show him that you care , that you love him and want him. And really be there for him .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2012
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 7:55pm
Feeling like it and wanting to do it are very different. I've been in both situations and have almost succeeded. I'm very lucky to have family that helped me through it and doctors and nurses to talk to. I was certified and put in the psych ward for weeks. It was uncomfortable, but saved my life.

Please don't ignore it. If you sense it's serious the best you can do is be with him at a hospital and wait until he sees a doctor. It can be very serious and he may need someone to wait and support him. People feeling suicidal need more help than what you can provide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 12:22am

Not trying to undermine your feelings but feeling sucidal leads to thinking more about it which leads to planning and so on and so forth. Its a dangerous path .

I am glad you didnt succeed and are here to tell your story !