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|Mon, 03-12-2012 - 6:57pm|
I can't go into a lot of detail here because I'm worried that my AP might see this.
He told me that recently he had an episode where he has threatened suicide to his W. This scares the hell out of me. We are still together, but because of a near D-Day we haven't been able to see each other in person for awhile. We talk on the phone at least once every day and email each other during the day.
He told me he's been thinking about it for awhile because he feels trapped. Not with me, but with his job and I think his family. He said he feels responsible for the people in his life that he's hurt; me for example since we can't see each other now. I told him that's ridiculous since I love him and I'm trying to be patient, which I am. He said the thing that stopped him was thinking about me finding out about him from the news or from me calling his work.
I made him promise to call me if he thinks this way again and he swears he is going to get help. I'll make sure of that.
But in the meantime, how do I support him? I broached backing off on our relationship and he laughed and said that if we backed off anymore there would be nothing. He told me I am a big part of his life now and that he wants me in his life.
We became very serious with each other and fell fully in love with each other. We are both married with kids. His kids are younger than mine. He doesn't want to leave his wife because he wants to wait until his kids are in college. I've agreed to wait for him even though I could leave now.
I don't know what to do. I want to stay with him and support him. I love him very much. Is there anything else I can do? I've asked him if he wants to back away from communication and he said no, he wants things to get better for us and so we can see each other.
I feel bad he is feeling this low. I almost feel it's because of me. He told me today that he feels he can't have the things in his life that he wants and he eluded this was me.
Any advice would be greatful.