sunnydaysnow

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
sunnydaysnow
10
Tue, 07-24-2012 - 11:18am

Just wanted to comment on  your article that you linked to borderlinehappiness earlier.  I read it and it does sound like my AP now.  Why wasn't this him in the beginning of our R?  He was so giving, so ready, so INTO us being together...he didn't pull away, in fact he was so close...why did it change or was he just in the affair fog and excitement/lust/passion phase and that's how they usually are?  This is so frustrating to get a "taste" of the greatness of it all and then the crash and burn is so hurtful....leaves me wanting more and more...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Re: sunnydaysnow
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 8:17am
Sorry to hijack S4K, Sunny I think you are a wonderfully giving person, you are an asset to this board, and others. Although you are no longer in your A, you reach out to so many of us. Bless you for taking the time to offer genuine support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 4:49pm
Thank you. If I can help alleviate one person's pain or move them in a positive direction then I am happy. We are all human we all have faults; understanding and forgiving are key to being happy and sometimes we need to understand that the person we want so much from is giving all they have. Love isn't always enough when so many things are at play.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2011
In reply to: _kittery
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 5:04pm

oh Sunny, why oh why, can't love be enough?  Life would be so much more simpler if th eonly compass we had was that of love.

In case I haven't said it enough...Thank you Sunny!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Re: sunnydaysnow
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 8:44pm
I am almost pained to not contact him! I feel like I want to get something from him...some sort of emotion..what he gave me before...ts just so very cruel to make me fall and then detach although telling me such great things about me. I want to just say goodbye but I just WANT him! I need the excitement...my ONS a few nights ago was spectacular with another man but that's all it was to him too...my community is so small that I wouldn't be able to trust anyone to engage in an affair....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2011
In reply to: _kittery
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 9:13pm

Staying, you had ONS?  How did that go?  What made oyu decide to go that route?  Why couldn't that be an A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 9:30pm
Kittery-it was at a conference for work and he and I connected right away...we went with a group of people drinking and he commented that he was a "dirtbag" and I knew what he meant right away...he has a wife and kids but strays...makes good money..work hard play hard mantra...we ended up flirting a lot and I took control we had hot passion and made out quite a lot with touches under the table...ended up going back to his room and passion ensued...that night we agreed nothing more than the ONS..he sat by me te next day at conference and then left...he lives 4 hours away...I attempted to contact and he gave me the "take care" line..
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2011
In reply to: _kittery
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 10:07pm

Ah, I see.  I think you need to be abit more selective then.  See about developing a friendship first, rahter than the sex.

I am trying to figure out if starting another A would make me forget about my AP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 10:10pm
Not If you are in love with your AP
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2011
In reply to: _kittery
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 10:12pm

Touche, Sunny, Touche!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 4:53pm

I love, sunny, too!  She always reminds me of the practical stuff that comes along with love, especially loving somebody who is damaged.  

Staying, you said:

" I want to just say goodbye but I just WANT him! "

One thing my A taught me was a lesson that I learned many years ago as a child, but somehow I had forgotten as an adult.  We don't always get what we want.  I know that may be a cliche, but it is actually so hard to really accept that.  Sometimes in life, no matter how hard we try for something, how much we love it or want it or need it, the answer is still a NO.  I think it has been tough for you to accept this with your XAP because (out of what he perceived to be kindness), he never gave you a solid NO.  He tried to be nice by emphasizing the great things about you, and skipping over the things that have caused him to end the A.  But as you have realized, his actions are giving you a clear NO.  Still, it would be nice if his words and his behavior matched so you could start to wrap your head around the NO.

You know how people talk about having an inner child?  Well I realized that my inner child is spoiled rotten brat!  My reaction to XAP ending it was "But...but..I WANT it!"  Followed by outrage and disbelief.  Followed by months of trying to get him to change his mind.  I still have days when it flares up, and I have to remind myself that this is one of the times that I don't get what I want.  Period.  Then I have to remind myself to move beyond it so that I can find new things to want, hopefully things that will want me back.

As far as it being unfair that he reeled you and you had to lose those good feelings, yes that does suck.  I do believe though that since we knowingly went into Rs with married men, it really can't be labeled as unfair.  It sucks, it hurts, but it does pretty much fit the situation and the way things usually happen.  

This is one of those tough times in life when you just have to go through the pain of growing up a little.