Sweet69 - Question for U

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Sweet69 - Question for U
2
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 8:47am
I saw another post with your story about your relationship with DH vs MM. I saw many similarities between your story and mine. You mentioned that at one point DH found out about the A and that you chose to work on your M but also continue your relationship with MM. I was just wondering how you made that decision, and what exactly did you do. Did you back off with MM for a while? Did you try to focus exclusively on DH? What was it about MM that made you feel he’s worth the risk?

In my case, DH just recently found out that I have a deep friendship with MF (what I call my MM). He doesn’t know exactly HOW deep the feelings run, but I think he suspects. DH found out because MF’s W found some email and freaked out. She actually found some email last fall and asked us to stop communicating. Then when she found out we still were she insisted on talking to DH. So I had to tell him at least part of what is going on.

I do love DH and certainly don’t want to end my M. I intend to focus my efforts on my M and see if things with DH can improved. In order to do this I know I have to cut way back on my R with MF. But at the same time, I cannot imagine a life without MF. Granted, he has to make his own decisions about his M and what he wants in life. In the end he may decide he doesn’t want ME any more. But as things stand right now, I still feel like I want to continue our “friendship” and MF seems to want this as well. (FYI - Our A was/is emotional – not physical at all.)

Your experience, thoughts and insight are much appreciated.

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 12:16am

Hey GB2,


Not sure if I can help at all... but I will sure try... MM and my relationship is pretty much an email one... we are always in touch via email... can be up to 4 or 5 each way every working day and usually a phone call thrown in once a week... sometimes I'm lucky enough to get an extra one when he can't be bothered with an email.


There is definitely a physical things between us... and can barely keep our hands off one another... but we really only average seeing each other once a month... even though both of us want it more.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 8:06am
Thank you so much Sweet! I really appreciate you sharing your story and your insights. I understand what you mean about DH not being communicative. Mine isn't especially communicative either. Nor is he particularly emotional. MF, on the other hand, has no trouble expressing his feelings. As for communication - he and I can talk forever about everything or nothing at all. You are right - my M is my primary relationship and needs to be given the bulk of my attention. It is hard to do this though when DH and I rarely see each other. I'm trying though, I really am. As for MF, he is still in my life as well. Right now I just can't picture life without him. I'm going to keep hanging in there and see what happens. Life is nothing if not an adventure, right? LOL!!!

Anyway, thank you again for replying - I really appreciate it!

GB2