Takin' the cure

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Takin' the cure
2
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 5:47pm

Hi everybody..

I'm new here. I started lurking around the turn of the year and signed up a few days ago because I really need to talk to someone!

I've been on and off with my AP for eight years now. He's married, I'm not. It started as an EA but after talking for a few weeks, long into the night, we happened to meet at a mutual friend's place and bam! That was it. We have been lucky and had holidays together but I've always been happiest when he's here with me - I love to watch him fussing about in the kitchen. It's not been easy; I ended things three years ago and we lasted about four months. This time he ended it before Christmas but we met at a BBQ in July and after a few chats we had a very hot and heavy few weeks.

Now I kinda went back into it to cure myself. That may not make sense at first, but having told me he would leave home (when we got back together the first time) it's become obvious to me that he won't, even though his kids are now leaving home. So I figure that all he wants is the sex - which is great, but if I'm honest, I can take or leave it (have always been that way) especially if the love isn't returned. Then it jsut makes me feel dead inside. My intention was just to kill off my feelings for him with what you might call "all sex all the time" and it's sorta been working but...

(why's there always a 'but', lol!)

He started sending me text messages with a little x at the end, texting me or calling me every day "just to hear your voice", taking me out to dinner, cooking for me again.. The other day he told me "making love with you is so easy". Now I laughed out loud at that - I have been mocking him a bit - because to me there's no "love making" going on. But when he got apologetic and said he hadn't meant "easy" in "that sense", I didn't correct him. He's been away for the last week with his family - only the third family holiday he's been on with them in the whole time I've known him! - and comes back Friday. I didn't expect him to contact me - but he's sent a text every day and even called me a couple of times. He's sounded almost disappointed when I've said I had to go after a few minutes (we usually talk for 30-60 minutes). Yesterday his text said he was looking forward to seeing me when he got back.

Thing is, I don't know how I feel now. Before he went away, we saw each other two or three times a week for about a month and I was totally focused on getting him into bed, and laughing off when he called himself my boyfriend. While he's been away though, I've missed him. Now I'm not sure I do want to see him. I know there's no future in it and I was so miserable earlier in the year... I had been getting to a point where I felt numb about him and if he hadn't gone away I like to think I'd have been ready to say "yeah, ok, I'm bored of pretending, off you go."

Do I see him, focus back on the ASATT approach, knowing that it's something I will grow to hate and along with it him? Or just cut him off, when at this point he's reminding me of why I loved him so much in the first place? It never seems to matter how bad things have been, as soon as we can talk we're good. He was always my best friend as well as my lover.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense.... My head is splitting!

Heart x

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 6:11pm
If you know in your heart it will end badly, then maybe you should just end it now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 9:27am
It's been 8 years.

 

 

 

 

 

******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again