Taking a break

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Taking a break
4
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 3:18pm
Have any of you in long term affairs ever ended it and later gotten back together? If so, how long did it take for one or both to realize you wanted the R back? Did you have NC during that time? Who initiated the reconciliation?

I'm obviously in this situation or wouldn't be asking. I ended my 4+ yr ema, due to feeling neglected and a little taken for granted. I love my MM immensely and I know he loves me, too. He did not want the ema to end but my pride took over and I felt like I needed to prove a point. I had told him several times I would end it if things didn't get better. They would start to get better then back to the same ol' ways. So, this time I'm trying to stick to my guns with NC because he EXPECTS I will give in. I'm miserable and I'm sure he is, too. Yet, I don't see him picking up the phone. ughhhh! Why do we put ourselves thru this??!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 3:35pm

hey beautifulmess -- i'm soooo sorry you're in this position, but you know what, good for you for sticking to your guns and following through, which is very hard for us women!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 6:03pm
Hi mess,

I was in this situation for a year. Did not have any contact whatsoever, until I "stumbled" upon him accidently. Yes, I avoided him for that long because we had a bitter fight and I was very angry with him. Then after the break our R grew even more stronger and intense as we obviuosly missed each other. I too like you, hate being taken for granted and that is a big issue between him and me, even till today. I am the one who always initiates contact and MM owes me big time for that - and I am sure there will be repay time later in our lives. LOL Anyway prepare for it mentally for its going to HURT like hell. I hate to sugarcoat my posts and that is how I felt. Like an arm or somthing cut off from my body. HUGS

LF

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 9:21am
Thanks, French! I appreciate your honest reply. I think I'm not totally falling apart because I know I will have to see him in late spring but I do have moments where it just hurts like hell. It's inevitable that we will run into eachother. It's easy to stay away when you don't have to see eachother but I just know that once we do, and the dust will be settled, there's a good chance for renewing...or not. Not even sure what I really want, just know that I miss him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:46am
Hi Beautiful, I also went thru a sort of breakup and NC for 8 weeks a while back. It was brutal!! At the point that happened, I thought everything was going okay between us, I had no clue. But it did seem like our conversations were getting far and fewer between but I just chalked it up to summer vacation. Then we got together one day, them boom, NC started.

But then he got ahold of me again and I decided to start seeing him again.

The NC was basically his decision, he just completely stopped talking to me just like that. It hurt me alot to think that he would not even say goodbye properly after seeing each other for 2 years.

But I didn't contact him during that time. And after about 8 weeks (I was just STARTING to get over him), he emails me out of the blue.

So he told me his reasons and I took him back. But I told him I wouldn't put up with that again.

I personally think he was maybe feeling guilty about our A and it was around our 2 year anniversary time when this all happened. And around the same time the year before, he had suggested that perhaps we should not see each other anymore, but then that didn't happen. But I think maybe when they are feeling a little guilty maybe that's why they become neglectful. And then they change their minds. I guess it happens but it doesn't make it any easier.

Good luck to you. If you keep NC just decide if he does try to get you back, do you want him still? For me, the answer was yes.

Dusty

xxxx