Talk about the future-Exciting & Scary

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Talk about the future-Exciting & Scary
5
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:38am
Last night at dinner, my OM and I were planning out the future together...where we will live, what cars we should buy to haul around all those future children,etc. Very exciting stuff but scary too!

Anyone else have these discussions and can't believe they are happening? Keep in mind, out of a 3 year relationship, in a matter of 2 months we have gone from not speaking of feelings to talking about spending our lives togehter.

Anyone else have these "hard to believe" moments? How do they make you feel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:43am
They feel wonderful :-) My OM and I have only been together for about 8 months...intimate for about 4-5 of them. It is a fast relationship, but one that I wouldn't change for the world. I have never had this feeling for anyone - its like what you always dreamed about. You hear of people who get married after only being together for a short while...like many grandparents out there did back in the 30-40s. Well, I now have these feelings all on my own :-) We have discussed the future...nothing definite...no proposals...but we know what we want and are going to let fate take its course :-) Don't be afraid to discuss these things...better now to do so and be on the same page than for one person in the R to be feeling more than the other or wanting more than the other and not communicating that. Enjoy! FMH6
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:44am
Little one-

P and I do not talk about that sort of thing. In fact, he never even mentions leaving his wife for me. However, he does talk about how he will probably never marry again. He talks about that like he knows splitting with his wife is inevitable. He knows that I also do not want to be married ever again, after going through the disatrous marriage that I had. If P did talk about that sort of thing, it would probably freak me out. Don't get me wrong, I'm crazy about him, and if this thing between us ended tomorrow, I would be crushed. But I'm not ready to talk about all that. He is a father, first, before anything else, and I respect that. I always know that I come third...after family and his job. He comes third to me also, after family and job too. So, while I can understand your excitement and anxiousness about this, I have no idea, firsthand, what that feels like. I would probably have a panic attack!

Bottom line (I'm big on bottom lines)- I'm happy for you. I'm happy that y'all feel comfortable discussing that. It's an encouragement to me, definitely.

LM227

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:21pm
Hard to believe moments?

Yes, every morning for the past three weeks. I moved out on a Sunday afternoon and have spent every night with my OW since then.

Every morning I wake up it seems that however we've slept, she still has managed to work her way under my arm to drape that little form half over me...

We don't have lots of future talks yet. We did that for a while last summer, then things delayed, and now I think both of us are just happy to be making the progress we are.

There are a few incidents where one of us will mention something vague about the future -- the other day I said I was going to give up my 2+2 sports car in 2 years and buy a small or medium SUV since the munchkin will be starting to cramp up back there. I said it just off handed and casually and I thought she was going to rip my arm off she hugged it so hard. I guess the casual thoughts are easier to swallow than the Big Grand Plans, which seem to have a way of going astray.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 1:53pm
I agree completely FMH. Too often we are content to hide our feelings and people end up missing each other completely. I did this for a long time in my M and I won't fall back into that trap with IS. I always let her know how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. Keep in mind we have a long ways to go before we can be married or even live together. But I absolutely think everyday about our future, both in daydream mode and in planning mode. That's my personality. Every once in awhile I'll get carried away and she'll let me know. She does it in a very sweet way though. But I absolutely see our future mapping out in front of us. No one can predict the future, but I believe planning for it is smart. That way, when I'm ready to propose, I'll have the resources to buy IS the ring she deserves. :)

But back to the point, we often hit those moments in conversation when my heart will skip a beat. Probably the greatest for me was when IS said, "I never wanted to have children until I met you. Now I can't wait."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 2:30pm
the other day my MM and I and my son were out and he was talking to someone we know and he referred to my son as his - he said "my boy" was over there and a frog....

i dont need to go into the rest of the story - but it gave me a boost. His Dad isn't around so MM is all he has. I know - thats really scary considering the situation but....It just happened that way