Talk me out of it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Talk me out of it!
10
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 6:24pm

I could easily see an A in my future if I don't stop the road I'm going down now. The thing of it is I really do love my H and I know that our problems are just small ones that could be worked out easily. I guess I'm at a fork in the road where I could fix our small problems or give in to my desire to have an A and ignore the marital problems. What's hard about your A?


The potential AP is one of H's closest friends. He's actually the first friend of H's that I ever met when we started dating. Potential AP is married too, and I don't like his W which just makes it easier to envision myself being with him. I know that he is also open to the A because we had some open and honest conversation about it when we were both

 

 

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 6:32pm

If that is truly how you feel, you need to not pursue this A at all. Also, its too dangerous with potential AP being your H's friend. You will only cause yourself and your family and potential AP's family

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 6:41pm

Yeah, I know you're right. It's just that we see eachother all the time and it's always there beneath the surface of us being polite and nice to eachother because of already being friends. I suppose though that sometimes what's hard about marriage is doing other than what you want for the good of the M. I had an EA before H and I were married and that was very hard for me. I went through a holiday dinner of wishing I could be there with my then AP instead of H, and I realized that I needed to stop what I was doing. I very much wanted to turn that EA into a PA, but I found a way not to because I knew it wasn't right. I guess I'll just have to find a way not to this time too. Is it supposed to be this hard?

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 6:46pm
I also really want to add how grateful I am that there's a board like this. I mean, I can't talk about this with anyone in my real life since everyone knows both H and potential AP but if I need to talk about it somewhere to get it off my chest.

 

 

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2007
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 7:18pm

Hi miss_b-havin


3 words for you


DON'T DO IT!!!


you might have seen some of my posts on "on the fence" board..well read those and some of the other ladies and you will see why.


I've just ended a year long A today actually finally...it's hard very hard..and yes I"m struggling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 7:36pm

Why?

Consider D-day, when you get caught. Are you prepared to break up your family and lose your H? That's why not.

If you love your H then consider counselling to fix the small problems. An A will not improve your M. Although the highs in an A are amazing, there are so many lows. It will cause you pain and stress in ways you could never imagine. And what if you develop strong feelings for your AP? Would you want to leave your M? Would he want to leave his? Or you do and he doesn't? Think about a year ahead and see what you find. Then make up your mind if it's worth it.

Pisces

pisces
pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 8:34pm

I would advise to not have an affair.


Like Pisces said, envision your life a year from now or even 6 months.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 4:06am
Think about your children... This is not just about you and how you feel anymore. You should not risk the emotional well being of your children. Keep this guy around to make you feel good. You know, like the saying, get your appetite from him, but eat at home..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 12:32pm

It seems you've come up against this road a couple of times.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 2:22pm

Actually there has only been one other "distraction" for me. Prior to meeting H I was the other woman a few times, but I was always single at those times. Maybe it's that that you're thinking of?


No, this potential AP is a different OM than the first one. Actually, first OM and I are pretty good friends these days. He and H know eachother and I'm now friends with his W (hadn't met her at the time of the EA). After firmly deciding that we couldn't let what was already more than we should be doing turn into a PA we went through kind of a phase where we didn't see or talk to eachother much, but we live in the same area and our paths cross from time to time. We have been able to have good and platonic contact ever since I had a baby girl right around the same time as his W. There has never been anything but friendship between us since we started running into eachother and then eventually making plans w/ our spouses. It's completely different now than it was before and I'm really glad.


The stakes are different this time because this new distraction is a close friend of my H (not just an acquaintance) and we have kids now where we didn't before. I know all of you are right, and these responses are exactly what I was looking for. When you're having those kinds of thoughts about someone it's easy to think that if you take the plunge into an A it will just be great all the time, but I know that it won't. Maybe I'm nonchalant about it now, but I know that it won't stay like this if I let it go further. Again, thank you all very much.

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 3:12pm

>>this new distraction is a close friend of my H (not just an acquaintance)<<


If this is a friend of H then I