Talk me out of it!
Find a Conversation
Talk me out of it!
| Wed, 09-10-2008 - 6:24pm |
I could easily see an A in my future if I don't stop the road I'm going down now. The thing of it is I really do love my H and I know that our problems are just small ones that could be worked out easily. I guess I'm at a fork in the road where I could fix our small problems or give in to my desire to have an A and ignore the marital problems. What's hard about your A?
The potential AP is one of H's closest friends. He's actually the first friend of H's that I ever met when we started dating. Potential AP is married too, and I don't like his W which just makes it easier to envision myself being with him. I know that he is also open to the A because we had some open and honest conversation about it when we were both

If that is truly how you feel, you need to not pursue this A at all. Also, its too dangerous with potential AP being your H's friend. You will only cause yourself and your family and potential AP's family
Yeah, I know you're right. It's just that we see eachother all the time and it's always there beneath the surface of us being polite and nice to eachother because of already being friends. I suppose though that sometimes what's hard about marriage is doing other than what you want for the good of the M. I had an EA before H and I were married and that was very hard for me. I went through a holiday dinner of wishing I could be there with my then AP instead of H, and I realized that I needed to stop what I was doing. I very much wanted to turn that EA into a PA, but I found a way not to because I knew it wasn't right. I guess I'll just have to find a way not to this time too. Is it supposed to be this hard?
Hi miss_b-havin
3 words for you
DON'T DO IT!!!
you might have seen some of my posts on "on the fence" board..well read those and some of the other ladies and you will see why.
I've just ended a year long A today actually finally...it's hard very hard..and yes I"m struggling.
Why?
Consider D-day, when you get caught. Are you prepared to break up your family and lose your H? That's why not.
If you love your H then consider counselling to fix the small problems. An A will not improve your M. Although the highs in an A are amazing, there are so many lows. It will cause you pain and stress in ways you could never imagine. And what if you develop strong feelings for your AP? Would you want to leave your M? Would he want to leave his? Or you do and he doesn't? Think about a year ahead and see what you find. Then make up your mind if it's worth it.
Pisces
I would advise to not have an affair.
Like Pisces said, envision your life a year from now or even 6 months.
It seems you've come up against this road a couple of times.
Actually there has only been one other "distraction" for me. Prior to meeting H I was the other woman a few times, but I was always single at those times. Maybe it's that that you're thinking of?
No, this potential AP is a different OM than the first one. Actually, first OM and I are pretty good friends these days. He and H know eachother and I'm now friends with his W (hadn't met her at the time of the EA). After firmly deciding that we couldn't let what was already more than we should be doing turn into a PA we went through kind of a phase where we didn't see or talk to eachother much, but we live in the same area and our paths cross from time to time. We have been able to have good and platonic contact ever since I had a baby girl right around the same time as his W. There has never been anything but friendship between us since we started running into eachother and then eventually making plans w/ our spouses. It's completely different now than it was before and I'm really glad.
The stakes are different this time because this new distraction is a close friend of my H (not just an acquaintance) and we have kids now where we didn't before. I know all of you are right, and these responses are exactly what I was looking for. When you're having those kinds of thoughts about someone it's easy to think that if you take the plunge into an A it will just be great all the time, but I know that it won't. Maybe I'm nonchalant about it now, but I know that it won't stay like this if I let it go further. Again, thank you all very much.
>>this new distraction is a close friend of my H (not just an acquaintance)<<
If this is a friend of H then I