Talking about SO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2010
Talking about SO?
10
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 6:25am

I'm sure this has been covered many times over, but as a new girl, I'm sure I'll have lots of questions that have been asked and answered, so I apologize in advance.


AP and I communicate alot - almost everyday, and for at least an hour, sometimes more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 7:32am

I talk about my H because I talk about my life, so H is a big part of that life. I do not complain about him or put him in a bad light. I just say things like - if we're talking about a TV show and it's one my H likes, I'll mention that, or that he and I went to the beach or to a certain restaurant. I think it's a little deceiving to say "I" went to the beach if "we" went to the beach, KWIM? I do not talk about our sex life or when we have had sex, etc. My OM has said my H sounds like a good guy, and under other circumstances, he could be friends with him.

If you ever lurk on any of the betrayed spouse/betrayed g/f's boards, they are always very upset if they realize their spouse talked about them to the OP, especially if they find out that every little thing they did "wrong" in their spouse's eyes was discussed. It's a further betrayal and sometimes seems to hurt them more than the main betrayal. It's probably wise to keep spouses out of the conversation as much as possible, or at least not to complain about them.

Proud to be a





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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 8:27am

I am single so I really don't have anyone to talk about.

TanZa2920
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 1:26pm
My AP is S and is getting a bit jealous of my H.When we met , we used to talk about my M ,my H and children.But now as months have gone by, we talk about ourselves and leave H out.I do tell him when I have bad day because of H and AP makes me feel better by , well , you know how ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 2:56pm

Hi Lillyflower,


I keep conversations about H very limited but my AP is very curious about when I've had sex with him. I find this weird but can understand it in some twisted way lol. Other then that I've never talked ill about H, in fact I say he's a good man and sometimes have mentioned little things he's done in conversation but very rarely. My AP has also said that my H seems like a good man, someone he might hang with if the circumstances were different. My AP has also NEVER said anything negative or wished any harm on my H. He just says that my H has something he wants and will never have.


I like that he's this way, if not then I don't see us seeing each other still. I do always speak of my kids and AP always listens with a smile.


 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 3:24pm

So my question is, do you all have limits as to what you'll discuss with AP about your SO?

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 4:00pm

Do we have limits?

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 5:13pm

With AP#1 I have always talked openly about being married, kids, life etc. He picked me up on a plane...first thing I told him was I'm married! He is S...bad divorce, step kids he doesn't get to see anymore. There is really nothing off limits with him. We talk about everything and he actually offers advice and support on a lot of things. Now I don't talk about sex with H...but I don't share that with anyone so it's not just him! Do sometimes talk about if H has done or said something to put me in a bad mood. He doesn't put him down or anything, but tries to explain where he might be coming from with something.

With AP#2, we have had a couple of conversations about the why's of what we are doing. Not very much from him in the way of answers...and I think that is something we'll discuss more when we meet. I don't want to know about their sex life...or many details...just his motivation for having an A.

I talk about my kids ALOT...they are a huge part of my life...they make up the person that I am, and certainly affect my mood...and of course, cause most of the stress!!! LOL! 13 year old girls should all be sent away until they're 25!!! :-)


LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 7:01pm


I think its confusing your AP says that your H has something he wants ..?
doesn't your ap already have you actually , while your H only believes he has you ?

dont you think your Ap might be thinking in his heart that he is happy that he isn't your husband ? but ofcourse he wouldn't ever tell you that .

Best of luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 07-01-2010 - 9:04am
When he says H has something he wants he means having me completely. Ap only has me probably less then part time and says he wishes I can be his 100% but since I'm in a M that is never going to happen and he knows that.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


<

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Thu, 07-01-2010 - 11:49am

Since our relationship began from ashleymadison we both were very guarded about any personal information in the beginning.


It's only been about 6 weeks but now we pretty much talk about a lot of stuff.