Tell me what you think!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tell me what you think!
6
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 12:18pm
I asked my magic 8 ball and it was "inconclusive" *annoyed* LOL

This past weekend was a doozie for me and MM - I had given him a letter prior to him going out of town stating the reasons I felt like this A was dwindling (because he doesn't put enough importance on it, etc.) and he called me 2 hours after reading it and gave me his reason and the conversation went well. Well, Sat. I was with his W (seeing as how we are friends! :( ) and apparently said something wrong - he called me not long after I'd been there and was pretty mad at me! :( I tried to help him understand that it wasn't as bad as he thought but he was really angry with me - I tried calling him back after a bit but he wouldn't take my calls - so I called and left him a message saying I couldn't do this anymore and I wish he cared as much about us as he apparently cares about other situations in his life! :(

So... today he apologized for yelling at me Sat. and when I asked if there was anything else he wanted to say he stumbled around for a couple minutes but ultimately said "no" and so I don't know... I mean I guess this means he accepts my ending it? Or what? I don't know what to do! :( I mean on one hand I really do want it to be over - I'm tried of feeling like I'm never doing the right thing and tired of him not putting SOME importance on us (even though I know I'm exaggerating because he obviously does or we wouldn't have been involved). And yet I feel like he needs to talk to me - and if it IS over I need some closure here! :( What do you all suggest?

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 12:33pm
Hi Poster...when you say you apparently said something wrong...was it to his wife and do you even know what it was that you said? He sounds like he just blew up on Saturday and felt bad about it today and that's why he called. You must've sorta blew him off a bit??...maybe he was expecting you to be 'over it' too cause otherwise why would he call, since you said you had **already left him a message saying you couldn't do it anymore.

He was probably calling to see if you had really meant what you said in your message...and sounds like you may have left him to believe that you did...see what I mean? I know what you mean about feeling as though he's not putting enough importance into the A, I feel like that too sometimes, like I do all the work, but then I think just like you...that I over-react about some things, because if he didn't want to be in this, he just wouldn't be, we wouldn't be doing this at all.

You need to call him and talk to him...that's what I would do. Because, it looks like you two are miscommunicating and at least get that straight before you end it...if, that's what you really want to do.

{Hugs}

PR

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 8:39pm
bump
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 10:16am
Hi poster,

I agree with Pretty -- it sounds to me like there is a little miscommunication here. But at the end of the day, you shouldn't need his reaction/feelings to end the A. What do you want him to say? What do you need him to say?

It sounds to me like there may be a little drama behind your message to MM. My guess is that you are trying to get him to give you more attention -- trying to show him that you can walk away anytime, so if he doesn't watch out...

If you want to end it, then do it. Don't worry about his ego -- yes, his feelings will be hurt. Yes, it will be difficult. But, no, you should not wait for his feedback. It is your life you are dealing with here; thus, it is your decision to make.

But don't make any decisions in a fit of rage -- wait until you can get some distance, some perspective on your situation. There is nothing wrong with being indecisive, but I wouldn't use the breakup card on MM too often -- unless you really want to play it.

Good luck to you,

Alameda


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 10:26am
I saw nothing that leads me to believe that he thinks things are really over between you two

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 11:37am
hey poster--


i truly believe communication is key here. from your post i get that your MM realized he was wrong to yell at you and apologized. why didn't you ask him (or tell him!) that the A was over, if that's what you want? or were you afraid of his answer?

call him back and tell him you're confused. remind him that you left that message ending the A. tell him how you feel and what you what from the A and then let him talk with you about the situation and you will both feel better, even if you eventually end it.

good luck and keep us posted,

gurl


Edited 4/7/2004 9:45 am ET ET by gurlfriend50

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 11:46am
I feel your pain, I do. I was in a similar situation - was making all the effort, doing all the caring in the relationship, tending to the affair, keeping it alive. Well, I wish I had stopped making the effort sooner. If I had, I would have had a more peaceful life a lot sooner. As it is, it eventually ended anyway - I ended it. But only after a great deal of pain.

Another thing: the only closure you get is from yourself. What that means is that you need to tell yourself that you are ending it for a reason, and his reasons and his feelings are not relevant to you at all. You get closure from what is in your head, no matter WHAT he tells you. So, eliminate the "middle man" - don't even bother to "get" closure from him because it's not real closure anyway.