Telling my story
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 09-09-2008 - 2:27pm |
I am new here and actually discovered this board through an internet search. I am so thankful to have perhaps found a group of people who might understand what it is I am going through instead of judging me.
Here is my story:
I starting interacting with a man on the internet last winter. He told me right from the start that he was married as am I and we were only meaning to be friends. We both have children. Well, a few things have changed since. I am currently getting separated from my husband. And my friend and I seem to have fallen in love with each other.
We email and message each other every single day. Often we spend hours together messaging back and forth. It is VERY rare that we go a day without communicating. We have chatted on the phone for hours a few times when he has had availability to do so. I have even spoken with his child before. He has a reputation as a bit of an internet Romeo, or at least he was. He now says he has no need for others because he has me. And he has cut off contact but with a few mutual friends of ours. He tells me how much he loves me and that if it were "legal" he would marry me right now. He dreams about me(doing things with my children as a family,) he thinks about me all the time. He talks to his friends about me. I am the same way in regard to him. He has also sent me gifts. We however, have never met. And as of now, there are no plans to for one reason; he said that if we meet, that would be the end of his marriage. He doesn't want his marriage to end. I know that he still loves her and he has been very open and honest about that. He also says he loves me. He even has told me I am now his best friend when he once told me he married his best friend. However, I also know that I am giving him something that she does not. He says that all he wants from me is my love, which I freely give him. He tells me that I forever have a piece of his heart, but makes it a point to say that he has "two lives." He has his physical life and his mental life. He views me as his internet/mental partner. He says that when he daydreams, it is all about me. I am the center of his fantasy world and he said he spends a lot of time there. He often complains about how "reality interferes" with our relationship.
He encourages me to date others(and has even offered to set me up with friends of his because he says I deserve more than he can give me,) but still wishes to be a part of my life. He says that he will never "leave me" and that "if things end it will because I want them to." I don't know that I could ever see myself leaving him. I love him so much and right now, I don't want to leave him. I am for the most part happy about what we have. Yes, there are times when I wish I could touch him, but I don't want to give up the emotional bond that we have to have a physical relationship with someone else. We even recently had a discussion because I have some security issues (big surprise in this type of relationship, right?) And he told me that he feels that our relationship has grown past the point of constant reassurance and over-affection like you would see in the beginning phases.
I guess what I need is someone to tell me that I'm not crazy for being ok with being "the other woman." Am I crazy? Is there anyone else that is perfectly fine living a "double life?" I know that in the end, I will only be hurt because I can't ever have him fully, but I am loving what we share. So many people tell me to get out now, but I can't help but think that this is one of those times where the pain will be worth it.

Ok you are not crazy. If you are okay with it now - than that is great.
I do agree that you don't know for sure if the "chemistry" will be right unless you meet in person.
There are so many issues here it's hard to sort them all out LOL!
Yes, you can certainly develop feelings for someone on the internet alone. It's kind of getting to know someone from the inside out rather than the other way around. There can be a real "spirit" connection. I've seen this happen on the internet on various message boards I have inhabited over the years.
However, I have also seen people meet up in real life - all excitement and anticipation - and end up just NOT having that physical connection. It's a physical thing - the right pheromones - we don't call it "chemistry" for nothing. I've also seen them meet up and have fireworks! So it can go either way.
I don't think there is as much deception on the internet as there was in the earlier years of it. About 13 or 14 years ago when I started interacting online, I would read about people sending old pictures of a much younger self, or pictures of someone else altogether, etc. Now, I THINK people realize that the internet is just another place to meet people, and if you end up meeting someone for real, what's the point of lying about description, age, weight, etc.? Chances are he is what he's describing, or pretty much anyway. Shaving off a few years or a few pounds isn't too bad, (I think we do that in real life sometimes too LOL) but trying to be 15 years younger or 40 pounds slimmer is a whole other story and there wouldn't be much point in it.
Anyway I'm getting off on a tangent - the thing is, you're soon to be single, and wrapping yourself up in a married man who might or might not actually have the chemistry you are imagining. Why invest yourself so heavily into a situation that is only partly real (I won't say isn't real at all because I know how intense an online relationship can be). Why not just try to be friends - which is very possible in an online R? You need someone who can actually be with you, who lives near enough to have a REAL R. And remember that an online R makes it hard for a real R to compete - half of your online R is fantasy - who can compete with fantasy?
I wouldn't say you're crazy at all, but I think you should think about moving to a real R with someone.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I