telling your spouse about your affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
telling your spouse about your affair
1
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 2:28pm
have any of you ever told your spouse about your affair as a means of ending the affair? i feel this is the only way for sure that i can end my EMA.

i heard once on a tv show, like oprah or something, that the only reason people tell their spouses about their affairs is to ease their own guilt over the affair; it essentially does nothing but needlessly hurt your spouse.

by telling my husband, i know that i'll be forced to stop. i know that "no contact" will be the other good option, but i know that MM and i will run into each other at some point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 2:50pm
Boy, you're certainly braver than me. I could not tell my H about the affair, ever. He is extremely hot headed and insanely jealous. Telling him is just out of the question.

I've seen on Dr. Phil (or one of those shows), that the only way to mend a marriage after an EMA is to tell your spouse and then have NC with your MM. That's good in theory if your relationship with your spouse is such that you can have that kind of open dialogue. I sadly, do not. My H and I have never been able to effectively communicate, and that has probably been the biggest reason for the demise of my M.

Birdie, I guess you have to search your heart for what it is that you truly want. If your M is salvageable and you want to make it work with your H, then let those feelings guide you. If your H is a man that you can talk openly with, then maybe that approach will work for you. Just be prepared for the *#@& to hit the fan once you've come clean about the A. And also be prepared for the feelings of grief over the loss of your R with your MM as that will also be a by-product of the break up. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

Virgogirl