thank-you to all of you....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
thank-you to all of you....
8
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 12:46pm
Thank-you to all of you.. Reading these postings makes me realize how I am not alone out there...Long story short.. I am involved in an A with a MM who has 4 kids..(married almost 25 years. I am married almost 10 w/no kids.. He is a client and we have been involved for over a year. It's is a very strong emotional bond (and physicl as well) and of course I don't know how I ended up here (in the situation) but I can't imagine my life without him...He is 14 years older than me but the age doesn't make a difference.. We have a connection I can't live without..He makes me feel good about myself.. something my husband forgot how to do..I have tried to hint to my husband the fact I am not happy but he doesn't see it.. he seems to think everything is fine and dandy.. We started dating when we were kids..and I have grown into a woman and have much different needs

I was quite lost until I found you all..and reading about everyone's situation helps me thru the tuff times.. Thru the guilt.., or not talking to my OM one night or not seeing him for a while.. I know I will always have you all and for this.. I thank you all again very much....best wishes to you all...

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 12:55pm
Hello MYALTER and welcome! Yeah those H's seem to forget how to make the women they claim to love special. I felt the same way as you do, until my MM and I started this adventure I too was always begging my H for the attention and warmth that I craved.It's funny now, my H is always asking me why I don't ask him for sex anymore, I just tell him what he always told me, I'm just not interested:) The shoe is on the other foot:) Good luck and feel free to vent here at any time:) There are some great guy's and gals on this board. I found someone that has become my best friend. NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 12:58pm

I know how you're feeling, an affair is hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 2:01pm
yes I actually did more than hint to him.. I talked to him about it but he refuses to see any problems.. I told him I didn't think he loved me anymore..If he did..he would do nice things for me. and for him to do anything nice for me is a chore.. Says I have always been a strong woman and I can "handle it"..no matter what it is.. he comes from a divorced family and my parents are together for over 40 years.. Its almost as he just closes his eyes.. mostly because he is comfortable..but then again, I make it that way...

I have tried.. several times and even spoke to my OM about it.. Told him I didn't realize how unhappy I was until we started talking.. And it is the honest to goodness truth.. Matter of fact, when I first started talking to my OM I told him how happy I was.. But I knew he wasn't happy at all.. He wanted to get out but stays...too much to lose.. and we have always agreed no pressure.. which has worked out well..but lately he talks about "us" having a future.. I just don't want to fall into a trap.. I am trying to keep a straight head about the whole situation....Its is never easy and sometimes I have good days and sometimes bad....But its all part of the package....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 4:23pm
I just fet like I can relate to what you were saying about your H not making you feel special and loved like he should. My H also always thinks everything is fine and dandy, no matter how hard I try to stress to him that we have serious problems. It's like I gave up, and came to terms with the fact that I'll just get what I don't get from my H from my MM. I know it's wrong but I can't seem to change things and get things back to the way they should be, ya know? Like you I have my good days and then my bad days. It seems like I've gotton better at dealing with the A over the years. I'm not sure if you just get used to the guilt or I've just justified enough in my head. These bords have been a great help at times. It's good to know that other people are going through the same sort of thing and battling the same issues. Take care. BTW, I like your name...LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 7:17pm

I feel like I wrote that post!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 7:52pm
I'm starting to think we all married the same man. ;)

No matter how many times I tell my H something is missing in our relationship and no matter how many ways I try to explain it to him, he just doesn't get it. He's content and comfortable so how could anything be wrong. I'm just expecting too much. We've only been married 4 years and I'm only 32. Seems to me it's too soon for me to settle.

Unlike you I knew I was unhappy when I got involved with MM but I thought it was just mild discontentment and would pass. Then MM showed me how much more there should be. Although I don't think things will work for MM and I, I'm thankful for the time we've had and the happiness that he has shown me is possible.

Enjoy your time now with your MM. When you have the bad times try to focus on the good.

I wish you well!

luv

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 1:54pm
I have to say it again.. you guys are THE BEST!!!

It shouldn't be a surprise to us our men get comfortable and just stop doing anything nice for us.. Once they have us..I guess they feel what is the point.. My H was never the most romantic type.. I just learned how to deal with it.. which was my first mistake.. I figured it was something I would have to live without.. But my OM is definitely a romantic and I realize I need romance in my life.. Even if is just a touch of my face.or a sweet compliment.. For my H to compliment me is an effort..

The one thing which bugs me with my OM is that I would like to be more physical with him.. for the time we have been together we haven't been as physical as I would like but we just don't have the opportunity to get together.. we tease all the time on the phone and of course Phone sex is always a great between us but I would like to be more intimate.. I am sure you all know what I mean..

Thanks again girls..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 8:19pm
Wow ... I married the twin brother described on all the messages! H is clueless. Countless times I have told him we have problems. He claims that he is happy when I am happy. He doesn't know how to kiss. He is passive in making love. He is a wimp. I love him as the father of my childen (two girls) but I am no longer in love with him.

I have had an A for 9 years and married for 18. The OM is a passionate lover and the closest thing I have ever had as a soulmate. He holds me and I feel protected. He kisses me for the past 9 years and I melt in his arms.

I have guilt, but without the A, I could not stay with my H. I would go crazy.

Does anybody know how I feel?