Thanks for input-still have a question

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thanks for input-still have a question
6
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 5:37pm
I would like to thank everyone who replied to my plea for help. Truthfully, the good advice I received was just what I needed to keep my will strong. I know there will be many other times when temptation will occur again with this young man, and I will write to you all again for support.

I have a question though-I noticed, as I was reading other discussions, that some of you who emailed me telling me the cons of getting involved were supportive of others who were already having affairs (ex: jwluv's situation)... why the difference in replies? This woman was crossing the line, and no one bothered to try to talk her out of it, or make her think twice.

I truly appreciate everyone's honesty here, so can you explain why some situations are ok, while others aren't? Thanks for your replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 5:58pm
HI want

from what I read of the replies to your post I think what you were getting was advice to not start the A before you do. Thats what I personally would tell anyone, if it has not started to walk away while you still have your heart intact. I have found that the posters on here are also very supportive if you are already involved in an A. But the final decision is yours and if you start an A they will support you too!

But like i said this is just my take on the situation

Good luck

SB

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 6:51pm

Hi want and welcome,


I'm just doing a bit of catch up... so I haven't yet looked at all posts... but I just wanted to say that SB pretty well said it.


If you come here and have thoughts about entering an affair... then more often than not... most of us will get you to step back and take a look at yourself and your life... what it is you risk when you walk through that door.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 8:14pm
Well I will reply from my persepctive although it wasn't really what you asked for. Unlike you I came here after I was somewhat involved with MM and haven't even really posted much. For me it was just comforting to know there were others in a similar situation.

Unlike you I didn't really have the oppurtunity to post and ask for guidance before anything happened. The whole situation caught me off guard and things happened before I even really realized that the feelings were there or how intense they were.

i would have given you the same advice as everyone else. If you can avoid the A do it. There are many things about it that are good but there is also a lot of heartache. And speaking from someone who is very close to MM and regularily spends time with him and his W and my H it is very hard to separate your feelings. A business being involved would add even more complications.

I think you may be a bit like me. Coming here for encouragement to do this. I think that's why I didin't post early on. I didn't want anyone to tell me to turn back. I waited until I was too involved so all I would get was support no advice mot to pursue things.

Only you know what you truly want. Follow your heart but be aware it often leads you in a direction that may have bumps along the way and may cause you pain.

Whatever you decide rest assured that based on what I have seen the people here will be supportive of your decision. They are always compasionate and understanding and whatever advice they give it is meant to save you from future pain.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

luv

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 9:12pm
I think all of us take where and what and who into consideration when we answer these posts...

I can only talk for myself, but when I got into my A with me MM I did a lot of soul-searching before I got involved...

Logistically your situation is just so rife for disaster...

Think of it like this...your and your husbands company sounds like one big happy family...consummating an affair with his friends son would be like incest...

And consider another thing...

A 23 yr old consummating a fantasy of doing an older woman...

Young men that age are notorious for crowing about their conquests...

How long do you think it would be before he told his friends about it?

If you want the fantasy of a younger man, take a weekends vacation on your own to Vegas, make eye contact with a young hottie there, screw like rabbits, and get it out of your system...and do like they say in the ads...what happens there stays there...

In your case, I really don't think the consequences as to what would happen are worth the thrill...try sky diving, it's safer...

=)

~Laurie~


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 6:06am
I feel that entering any relationship (whether first or second or nth) needs to be based upon a complete mental and physical connection and entering just a physical relationship with a much younger person (who may lack the mental maturity) is setting yourself up for heartache and rejection down the road. This applies specially if the older person is a woman or the younger person is in their teens or early twenties.

IMHO

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 9:38am
Also... I think part of our 'advice' on your situation was colored by your name.. Want to Stay Faithful. Doesn't that pretty much sum it up? But like we've said -- whatever you decide, we'll stand in support.