Is there a meaning behind it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
Is there a meaning behind it?
6
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 1:39pm

Just throwing something out here for discussion I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 2:38pm

It could either mean "I don't want to be blamed....or hauled into D court" or it could mean "You don't mean that much to me - I hope you're not getting ahead of yourself". Or, the third and final option: "Please tell me it really is because of me because I'm really insecure."


All in all, I think its a pretty stupid thing to say. Because either of the first two meaning means that the one who said it is basically saying "I'm not at the point that I think you're at."And the third, well, just ask "Why are you getting a D?" If you want to say that, just say it. I'm never one for being ambiguous and if you're ambiguous with me I'll beat you with a stick till you tell me which way you meant it. Just ask BF.


BF never said that to me when I told him, and I never said it to him when he told me. Because realistically, we both knew it was coming. If one of you in the A doesn't see that as a likely outcome, then I agree, why are you in the A? And why do you think AP is in the A? Unless you already agreed it isn't a likely outcome, in which case you certainly wouldn't ask anyway since you should already know the answer.


So yes, there is a meaning behind it. One of a few, in fact. So the answer to the question "You're not getting a D because of me, are you?" should always be "Why do you ask, sweet pea?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 2:48pm

<>


Love this btdt!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 4:05pm
I have another alternative to offer. It may be guilt and fear that he is expressing. He may be scared that you are divorcing for him and now have expectations of him. It could also be that it is becoming clear to him the impact (real or potential) of your relationship. I wouldn't be worried...and I understand why it made you think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 4:55pm

If I had to hazard a guess from my EAP's reaction to when I tell him that I will eventually need to make a decision about what I need to do about my M, stay or go, is that he does not want to be the cause of me being hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 9:45pm

Hi, tbcrazy2,


I'd love to answer your question because I say this to my AP all of the time! What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be the cause of your divorce" is exactly what it says. I want him to leave his marriage because he's unhappy... not because of me.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 11:52pm

Thank you to all for replying.