Think I'm losing my mind!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
Think I'm losing my mind!!!!!!!
3
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 8:26am

When AP & I started this it was alot of flirting in person, exchanged cell phone numbers, spent alot of time talking about anything & everything - really got to know each each other - intent was NO attachments - we both knew where we each stand in our M's - intent to get out of them was there prior to meeting each other and each on our on timeline for that. Got together for 1st time - didn't go so well - guilt on his part - kept talking - convos became more and more emotion ladden - to the point where we both commented so much for no attachements. Got together for 2nd time - everything was fine - later that day and for the next 2 weeks we have to deal with a close call kind of D-Day with his W.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 9:09am

maybe you are emotional with AP because you are in control for everyone else. is it possible you want to relinquish control with him because it feels different or safe?

i'm somewhat the same way and have learned that MM gives me a security that other people in my life expect me to give to them. i'm usually the creator, instigator, motivator, decision-maker, peace-maker, hand-holder and janitor. but in our relationship, he does that for me - and it's like drugs.

unfortunately, it sounds like your AP is not on the same page. i don't understand he behavior either - accept to speculate it is motivated by fear and/or a change of heart regarding his M.

sorry for your pain. have you thought about talking to a therapist about this?

Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 9:10am

((( hugs))))

A lot of things could be going on here,hon.He could be considering D seriously.If the W gets 100% sure of his A with you,that could lead to a hell lot of trouble for your AP ,ranging from kids custody to finances-- anything.Him continuing the physical part could be to still have some part of you with him.He might not be disclosing his mind as yet.

Yeah, many people can compartmantalize very easily! My AP and I are looking seriously into the future but since anything can happen on the way , i am dating ( and having sex) with other guys behind his back.If it doesnt work out between AP and I,then i need to have a back up.I dont want to end up alone and more so, i have a huge lib, and my AP cant spend every night with me.I can compartmantalize easily and keep emotions out of these R.

I hope i helped you.((( hugs))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 4:05pm

unfortunately, it sounds like your AP is not on the same page. i don't understand he behavior either - accept to speculate it is motivated by fear and/or a change of heart regarding his M.


Sometimes it seems like he's on the same page and then boom tuck tail and run. And as far as his M - I just spent 2 weeks having him cry on my shoulder and being there for him while he was dealing with some major probelms (that is putting mildly) with W.