Think I'm setting myself up for a future heartbreak

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Think I'm setting myself up for a future heartbreak
6
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 11:00am
Long story short. I'm married and so I my AP. We are both in very unhappy marriages and are staying for different reasons, though I'm sure my marriage will be ending long before his. I have no expectations of him leaving his W, he's already told me he wasn't and I respect his reasons.

I wouldn't be concerned if this was a FWB situation but I'm pretty sure it's gone way beyond that point.. We talk on the phone daily, text daily and we have both confided some very personal things to each other.. The sex is amazing and afterwards we just lay there or hours just talking...

I'm not in love with him and neither is he in love with me though we have both admitted to careing about each other a good bit... I do kind of have a feeling though that if feelings get too intense he's gonna bolt.. Leaving his M is not an option for him.. And when I do leave my marriage it's not because of my A it's for me and my happiness..

Question is this, do you think there is a way to keep things from getting any deeper then they are now? I've thought about maybe us not calling or texting as much and maybe not sharing so much about our personal lives.. I'm already more attached then what I want to be and I don't want it to be anymore then what it is now.. Part of me says end it now before I get hurt and start developing real feelings for this man and the other part says I'm already there just to accept things for what they are and keep the expectations to a minimum..
Anyone ever been in this place or have some words of wisdom to share?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 11:10am

Kinda sounds like my A.  When we started there were to be no emotional ties and we both know we aren't going to leave our spouses for each other.  That won't and didn't stop the emotions from building.  The only way to keep them from building up is to stop the A.  If your already in that deep your not going to be able to stop your feelings from growing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2012
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 12:07pm

Well it sounds like you have a really good thing going here.  Try not to over analyze and pick things apart because it will just drive you crazy.  If you feel that the confiding and texting is getting a bit out of hand, then you're right you should taper it down a bit.  A simple relationship is always the best, less drama and less exposure.  I think it's completely ok to care (to a degree) for the person you're with and that seems to be where you're both at.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
You always have such great advice Sonyut