Think it could be the end - heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Think it could be the end - heartbroken
6
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 10:13am

Heartbroken doesn't even come close to describing how I feel right now. I have no idea how I am going to get through the day today....I feel like I'm going to completely break.

We had another stupid fight. I got upset because he didn't show up for the hockey game (like we've been doing since the playoffs started) and I let him know it. In turn, he was upset that I hadn't replied to his two emails.

We both behaved like idiots, and he's pretty much said that maybe it's time that I find someone who can give me what I want, since it's apparent that he can't. He even said that he hopes I can find happiness again! Yeah, he can be pretty mean when he wants to be, as can I. But I'm absolutely crazy about him and I am NOT ready for this to end.

I'm pretty scared right now, and all I want to do is crawl into a bottle...try to forget it all. I won't of course as I need to keep this job. We did have a short conversation last night, and he said he'd call me today...so I will be thinking about him all day. I hope we can get past this. I said some things and I think I really hurt him this time.

I can't believe this is happening, I am numb. On top of that, I received a lovely Facebook message from my son regarding Mother's Day...I guess he couldn't find the time to call me while his father is visiting (my ex-H). Oh, and my daughter "almost" forgot, but sent me a quick text...it was a stellar Mother's Day, I can tell you.

I feel beaten.

Thanks for listening and please say a prayer that I can make up with my man. I really need him in my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 10:26am

My prayer is going to be that you find happiness - true happiness - whether with this guy or NOT with him. He is right, in that he is not making you happy - the situation is what is unacceptable for you sweetie. Some people can deal with being the OW, but you seem to be unable to do so.

To get through the day - first, BREATHE. Long deep breaths, it does calm you down. If you have a pet - pet them! Lowers blood pressure and calms you. Concentrate on your job, that's much more important than keeping your AP!

As for mother's day - your children did wish you a happy mother's day at least. Concentrate on the positive. Some mothers don't even get that. I would accept a facebook message LOL! Some years one or another of my kids forgot it altogether, but I never really "take offense". This year they were all wonderful. :-)

Back to today - don't eat anything that isn't nutritious. Junk food only makes you feel yucky and more unsettled.

Vent here. And if anyone's posts make you feel worse, put them on ignore!

We're with you.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 11:22am

Hi Benska,


I'm with you - will pray for you today. I know how rough this can be.


I am certain he will call and you will eventually make up. That seems to be the pattern of your relationship, am i right?


Whether that is good or not - i won't comment on that right now but i do pray for you to get through this horrible day and to feel better soon.


Sunshine

.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2010
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 1:14pm

I am a long (LONG) time lurker that has never posted before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 10:03am

Thank you everyone for your help.

So anyway, he's not doing anything that he's not done before, as I'm sure you're all aware.

How he reacted...and his comments to me in response, were very hurtful...especially since he's fully aware that I'm am absolutely head over heels in love with him, and I think he's a most amazing and wonderful man....regardless of his childish temper tantrums. He took this knowledge and used it to his maximum advantage, no wonder his W doesn't like him. I'm not that easy to shake though, although I do know that I should probably just walk away because deep down, I do realize that nothing is ever going to change about this situation.

After I received his horrible email, we did end up talking a bit. He's called me a bulldog and he's quite right about that. I texted him the morning after the "event" just to say goodmorning and to tell him that I would like to see him, and I don't want us to be over. I know, I know, I am absolutely spineless...but I am just not the type to let arguments lie without at least trying to discuss things in a mature manner. Anyhow, he emailed me at lunch time to tell me that he's not going to see me, but he'd call me later in the evening...which he did. We had a pretty good talk, most of it superficial...and I came right out and asked him ~ are you still angry at me? Guess what? He is. However, we are talking and that means that eventually, we're going to get past this.

I did hurt him, and I feel terrible about saying this but....I'M GLAD. I told him that what had happened to him in his childhood had made him utterly emotionless...so basically I told him that he was just f'ed up, and yeah...it hurt him. It sounds like I'm making excuses (and I am sort of, because I know, and understand, what he's gone through).

I don't know where we go from here, but I'm sticking with him for now. I just don't know what else to do.

Thank you all for caring, and for helping me through yesterday....it DID help a lot.

benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 1:54pm
I'm glad we got you through, Benska.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 3:25am

Warning: sorry Lexione (and some others), you are probably not going to like the below, but we are all entitled to express our opinions on this board, this has NOTHING to do with any kind of *judgement* (am so not a *newbie* to the whole *affair world*) and i just need and have to say the following to Benska:


Sigh.


Benska you made me speechless this time, i could not believe what i was reading.