thinking of ending EMA
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thinking of ending EMA
| Tue, 12-09-2003 - 12:38am |
Hello everyone: Perhaps I am feeling rather depressed, but I truly am thinking of ending my EMA, after nearly 5 years. It's not anything he has done or said, but just feeling overwhelmed with life right now. I also look at the turn of events over this past year, and get the distinct feeling someone or something is trying to tell me to take a different path right now (perhaps devine intervention, I don't know). To give a little background info, MM and I worked together. Our jobs required being on the road quite often, however that didn't keep the tongues from wagging at the office as we were always together. He lost his job in May and started working at one of his in-laws place of business. I recently lost my job and am currently unemployed. After he lost his job it was a real adjustment to not see him daily, but we managed to see each other once or twice a week. Now, my poor sister (who is not M and had lived alone), was diagnosed with cancer. She just had major surgery and is facing chemo, and the possibility that it may be too late. She recently moved in with me. My DH has been more supportive than before, but it's been tough on all of us, including the kids. I have decided not to return to work right away, but rather stay home and help take care of her. I guess I'm feeling like I have been very selfish and that all the signs are there telling me that I need to be there for her, and to give up on the other situation (the EMA). I feel in some ways that I need him more than ever now (we are very much in love), but the frustration of hardly seeing him and only talking on the phone here and there makes it worse. I feel as though that dream of someday having a life together keeps moving further and further away, and so what is the point in continuing it. I don't know if I'm making any sense right now, but the fact that he'd lost his job and then I lost mine, then him finding work through an in law and of course my situation, feels as though 'something or someone' is trying to tell us that we should stay away from each other. Other events in his life too, have added to the 'signs' that we should end this. Anyway, I apologize for the novel. Perhaps I'm having a pity party for myself right now. I know that I'm scared out of my wits for my sister, and dread dealing with what the future holds in that regard. Any advice right now is greatly appreciated. Virgogirl

*Why should you end it?
My feelings are that if he is a friend, and you need his support, and he is giving it to you, then why end it?? Yes I know the rollercoaster... and when it gets overwhelming, I remember, or try atleast to remind myself, it is his friendship that I need and admire the most. He gives me what the others can't, a true solid wall to bounce things off of, without judgement, he is helping me grow, he is helping me fix my M, he is helping me be a better mom (even if there is another side, that is ever so beautiful too).. .... understand.
*Frustration of hardly seeing him?
Coming from someone who gets to see her MM once in a blue moon, I can only tell you, that his loving friendship and support is felt completely without him 'beside' me. There will be times ahead for you, that you will need to get away from DH, Kids Sister, and cancer... He may be just the one to hug you, OR maybe we will, wink wink!!
*Signs to end it??
Funny, but I feel the opposite signs, that MM and I, MW were just meant to be together. Our friendship is something I treasure almost more than my beloved's love. God knows, with the distance, it does keep some of the physical stuff quite, although there is great mind control to get around that... BUT I believe angels brought him to me (thanks Sweets again for the song!!!)
Anyway, my rambling here.. I do not believe anything, including marriage, religion, politics, etc, including EMA can be black and white..
Just my two thoughts Virgo girl... Hugs to you in this down slope... Hold on tight!!! Scream if you need, we are here for that.. And again, sorry for your sis...
First I want to say how sorry I am for you sister and my heart goes out to you.
I just lost my dad last Saturday, not only was he my dad but my best friend!!!!
I told my dad about my A from the very beginning and that will be 3 years in a couple of days.
My dad knew my MM and I really cared for each other and told me to go for it because MM would'nt want to if everything was ok in his M, this from a man who was married to my mom for 52 years.
I was able to talk to him about the rollercoaster ride we all take and he told me over and over agian just enjoy what time you share with each other and make the most of it.
Do I feel like I have been punished hell NO!!!!!
I don't think I have helped to much but I had to express myself.
Blackhat
Virgogirl