? for those in a long term A
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 11-13-2003 - 9:25am |
My question is this; since saturday, I have had these "dark shadows" creeping into my mind. He was suppose to call Monday but didn't, called Tuesday instead - this has happened before, and I didn't have a problem with it. We were to meet for lunch today, but he called and said he would be in meetings all day and couldn't get away. We made plans for lunch next week. Fine....this also has happened before. Why is it I'm suddenly thinking the worst? Has this happened to anyone else? What do you do to close out these thoughts? I haven't a clue why I'm feeling this way.
While my marriage has not been good for a very long time, MM is not someone I want to end up with. Frankly, I marriage to anyone is not something I want. I'm looking for someone who enjoys life, loves to laugh, someone to have an occasional lunch/dinner with as well as an intimate relationship - so far MM has fit that bill. So why since Saturday have I gone from logically thinking woman into this hand wringer? Has this happened to anyone else?
Any help would be appreciated. Hope everyone has a perfect day.

The only thing I can suggest is to remind yourself of your worth and perhaps at an appropriate time you can let your MM know this is an issue for you - however, dont expect any changes from him...you need to find a way within yourself to overcome these insecurities and remember the chances he is taking to be with you when he can and the fact of the matter is - you two are only a part-time thing that gets worked in when your schedules allow it...it may sound bad but that's the reality of this kind of relationship.
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
Edited 9/20/2004 1:53 pm ET ET by seansluv
I agree with you about not wanting to put a damper on our time together by having a long discussion about emotional issues...not yet anyway. Our time together is so brief, I would rather just be happy, laugh and enjoy each other's company. In time, perhaps we will discuss more, but for now I think I will just enjoy this "honeymoon" stage I have seen posted here.
In the future, I should remind myself of how he is when he is around me. It's not an act, his mask hasn't slipped. The man I came to know Saturday, is not looking for a little side quickie..because heaven knows, his focus was totally on my pleasure.
Thanks for the reality check. And thank goodness for this board!
It will get easier...just enjoy the thrill of it all right now (but it WILL be up and down!) and remember that he is thinking of you a lot, I'm sure!!!
Also, given that your man is an intellectual type like mine, he probably needs that time to put things into perspective;) Try to relax and enjoy it all...
Charlotte
I'm having the same type of "hand-wringing" thoughts regarding my A--I'm four months into it. Glad to hear, Charlotte, that after six months you and your MM have finally started to talk a little bit. I long to talk to MM, am convinced I am going to, and then when I see him, all I want to do is enjoy him and our time together--just like you said. We haven't had enough time together to be able to leisurely talk, without making a "big thing" out of it. It's very true, that's the way A's are--making time for each other when schedules and life permit. A very different and difficult situation for me to be in. Leaves plenty of time for feeling insecure and wondering what he's thinking (or not!) about. Glad to know I'm not alone anyway--
Dusty
Don't expect a MM to call when they say they are. If they do, treat it as a pleasant surprise. When they don't treat it as if he was a girlfriend who said the same thing ... you'll catch up later.
Right now me and MM are FWOBs. Talk almost everyday except weekends via phone. Both of us are M w/ no intention of going anywhere. I value our friendship and he values mine. We see eachother maybe once or twice a month and lately it's been kinda awkward b/c he wants me and fights it. It's kinda cute. He asks me to massage his shoulders and when I do he says to himself "be strong". He tries soooo hard. I respect his efforts to be loyal to his W and give him pointers on improving their R. Kinda weird, but like I said, we're friends more than anything. We end up meeting halfway with foreplay and not sexual intercourse, which makes him feel "better" as he didn't commit the actual act. Two times of doing that in a row and the next time I saw him he said "I want some p****". And that was last Friday!
Take it slow and it will balance itself out. He is thinking of you. Remember, men are physical and visual. He remembers everything and wants more. Buckle up. You're in for a helluva ride.
I had just a tiny taste of what a roller coaster relationship can feel like earlier this week.....that man better be worth it! ;-)
I've been in my A for 12 yrs. and the more time I have on my hands that day or that night...the more my imagination goes wild! What's he doing? What is he doing with the W and kids this weekend?
My MM says I think too much! I tend to over analyze and dream up the wildest scenerio's of what he could possibly being doing when I'm not with him.
We have been seeing each other for sooo long that he knows just by looking at me that my imagination has been getting the best of me again!
I don't know if it's the A that's so hard on me sometimes or if I'm just my worst enemy of what I put myself thru when I start "thinking to much".
Half the time, all he's doing is thinking of me anyway!
Many times I lay in bed at night wishing he were laying there with me or that he would call and *ring* *ring*, it's my cell phone ringing and it's him!!!