? for those who don't see them often

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
? for those who don't see them often
8
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 11:08pm
For those of you who do not see you MM very often..how do get back to normal after seeing them? I haven't seen my MM in almost 10 months but we should be soon. I know I feel lonely after an intense phone convo. I can't imagine how I am going to feel after I see him. We have not been intimate and up until now have only kissed. I do think more will happen when we see each other. I am just worried about how I will feel afterwards knowing I probably won't see him for a while (not 10 months but probably a few months). Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 11:14pm
I just want to ask...why have an affair with a MM when you never get to see him???I would say that wasnt an affair...You are just talking to each other, thats all..Just curious....Why be in that type of relationship??
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 11:27pm
sounds more like an emotional affair, my mm and i wouldn't last in one like that. Just not cut out for it I guess. But hey, whatever floats your boat right??

deedee

:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 11:30pm
First off let me start by saying I wasn't looking for this A. It just crept on me. You can't pick who you are attracted and connected to. if we could I wouldn't be here in the first place. We have many obstacles b/c in the past year we Both had our first children. MM travels all week leaving weekends which don't work. Prior to the births we saw each other every other month. Now I know it will not be easy to see him and it may be a while before we see each other. Trust me this is NOT the way I want it to be but I can only do what I can do. Oh and yes we do just talk sometimes but most of conversations are very involved. I try to compare us to the movie Same Time Next Year lol. If there is one thng I have learned is everyone's EMA 's are very different here but everyone is very accepting of the differences and still lend support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 11:33pm
Yes, deedee it is more of an emotional affair. I am not looking to leave my M nor is he. Too long to get into but that is my problem..emotion. I am an emotional person. I am scared of how emotional I will be after being wiht him. I just hate missing someone. I have been on this board for over a year and a half and I know many of us are in LDA's. It is what it is!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 12:03am
bria

My hats off to you and anyone else in a LDA. I don't see my mm often and he lives 5 min away! I guess i am in the middle ground here. I meant to also say you must be in a strong emotional relationship, I couldn't see mine being able to last long distance. When I don't have contact with my mm for say a week I start feeling a distance. You probably keep in touch more than we do out of necessity. This last time we went a record 4 weeks without physical contact and yes it was tough the next day. I hope you just enjoy every minute you are together, and say all you want to say, it helps afterwards.

deedee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 6:22am
I would say we are in a strong emotional A but I don't think I am strong. A part of me (the bigger part) would love to see my MM as much as you do. However then I know I would have a major problem keeping my life with H intact. MM and I will never be together besides a FWB relationship so I have no choice. I wouldn't want to leave my H either. I wish I could just see him more. AS I said I hate missing. Thanks for responding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 9:12am
For a long time I told myself that A's without a physical component aren't really A's - they are just close friendships. In fact, that's what I told myself about my own long distance emotional A. But the truth is that MM and I talked and emailed and IMed A LOT. And we got to know each other better than we know anyone else. We developed an amazing connection to each other and before we knew it we realized we loved each other dearly. We struggled to balance our feelings for each other with our feelings for our spouses. Neither of us are in perfect M's (mine has always been more stable than MM's) but neither of us wanted our R to impact our M's. Unfortunately, that all came crumbling down when his W found out about us. She doesn't care that it isn't physical. She sees the emotions between us and is just as hurt. Maybe even more hurt - it is easier in some ways to write off a physical affair as "just sex - it didn't mean anything." MM and I backed off our R for a bit. But inevitably we started talking again. And you guessed it - the W found out again. If you've seen my posts then you know what has happened from there. MM and his W are separating. She blames me. She has dragged my H into the situation. It has been one of the most sad and ugly experiences of my life and it is far from over.

I guess I'm telling you this to make the point that emotional A's do exist and can be as damaging as physical A's. So far I have discovered two important things through all this. The first is that my H is a truly amazing guy who I love very much. The second is that I STILL love MM. Crazy isn't it?

Anyway, that's my 2 cents.

Peace!

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 6:13pm
Thanks G-

I really appreciate your input. I am sorry for what you are going through. That must be tough. I hope things get better for you. Your thoughts really made sense to me and although I do not love my MM we are connected and I will not let that go. Of course today my H has been wonderful and that does help me to put my A in perspective.

You take good care and thanks