? for those who know the W

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
? for those who know the W
5
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 2:59pm
I am in a situation where my MM's W and I are just beginning to know eachother and likewise with MM and my H. We keep our boat at the same marina. Last summer we started to talk quite a bit as MM and I used to work together so the spouses know we knew eachother in the past. My question is this. The more I know the W I don't really like her and wouldn't choose to be friends with her if it weren't that we are forced to be at the same place at the same time...sometimes, that is. So, I am careful not to say anything negative about her but when arguing with MM last week, I did make a face when he mentioned her name. It was not something I planned to do, it just was a reaction. I tried to cover it up, but it really upset him. I mean, we were having a tough time as it was, but that seemed to really upset him to near tears. I've noticed in the past that it seems really important to him for me to like her. Is that odd? Why would he care so deeply if I like her or not. I don't need to like her, I'm not married to her. I don't care what he thinks of my H. Any thoughts about this? I just don't get it.
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anonymous user
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 3:05pm
Uhhh I dont' get it either. My mm freaked when he saw me and his W talking socially one time. Of course that was in the begining of our EMA and he thought it was just too wrong for us to know each other. I know her actually a little longer than I know him. I like her ok and probably would be good friends with her if it weren't for MM, but I keep my distance because I would never do this with a friends H and I worry he will "freak" out again.

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 3:11pm
Now, to me, your situations seems more normal. My MM has these grandiose visions of boating together and all of us becoming friends. I don't want that at all. I would've preferred that we remain "strangers" to eachother in public. I think we should've kept our spouses out of it and kept what we had between us. Plus, I find it hurtful to see him with her sometimes. He has no trouble at all seeing me with H. We've in the EMA for nearly 5 years, and this just surfaced last year for the first time. With summer around the corner, I'm really anxious about doing the "social" thing again. I feel sick when I think about it. I mean, I guess, I got used to it by the time summer was over, but still...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 3:17pm
eekk..I don't want to know MM's wife (LOL) I'd say (JMHO) it's still his wife - I let MM vent to me about her - but, never pass judgement to remark anything bad. It's just not my place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:38pm
I don't know what's normal and what's not, (since these relationships aren't typically "normal"!!) but I also know my MM's W and he brings her in to see me all the time at the place I work at. He even invited me to his house for supper one night. I've known both of them for the same length of time but now that I'm in this A with him, it does hurt me to see her with him (even though I know he doesn't like her just as much as I do and he's only there because of the baby). I guess in your situation, like mine, it's impossible to avoid the social situations and I wouldn't even know where to being with giving you advice since you've been doing this "sucessfully" for 5 years. My A is really new and I'm still trying to figure out how to get past the jealousy and make this actually work. (I could use your advice!! lol). All I know is we've made a pact to be totally open and honest with each other and always communicate, even if it's over stupid feelings we might have. I think that's the only way for these things to work (not that I'm an expert!!).

Good luck! And have tons of fun boating!

~blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:54pm
It seems odd to me that your MM would want you to get along with his W. As for me I have met my MM's wife three times over the 2 and a half years of our A. It was pure torture. I am wrought with jealousy over her having him when I can't and seeing them together, well it nearly kills me. The first time I met her was at a mutual friend's wedding. There was a group of us that all new each other and my MM arrived last with his W out of our group and the only seats open were next to me! So he sat next to me and his W was on the other side of him. Can you believe it, I could've just died?!?!? Anyway, besides the jealousy I can't stand the type of person she is (big time gossiper, extremely materialistic and lazy). I would never want to know her and I tell my MM exactly how I feel about her. He doesn't mind because he doesn't like her either and he's actually amused when I blow up and go on a tirade over some unbelievable thing she has done after he tells me about it.

Brin