For those of you married to a good ma...
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For those of you married to a good ma...
| Thu, 05-28-2009 - 5:26pm |
For those of you married to a good man, who had an A, did you...:
- End the affair, try to rebuild with H, and are doing ok?
- End the affair, try to rebuild, but ended up divorcing anyway?
- End the affair, confess, and let H decide what course to take?
- Sit on the fence, in the A too long and got caught?
- Chose to end your marriage, whether or not you could be with AP in the end?
You will be able to change your vote.

I know this may make more sense to post in the After the Affair Board, but I think there's more movement here (and hopefully, some lurkers that will be encouraged to vote).
I'm not sure how to define "good." He never physically abused me or our children, wasn't an addict of any kind, and is a good provider, and others would say he's a "nice guy," and he can be. We get along OK most of the time. But he is a narcissist, and he wants everything on his own terms, and he doesn't especially care about others except to the extent that they further his goals. I've made my own choices, but if he was "good," I wouldn't be here. At the same time I wouldn't say he's "bad." He just is who he is, if that makes sense.
Sorry if that's not helpful; I just think the term "good" is a bit broad.
MASAlterego
www.nicegirllikeme.blogspot.com
I see your points, and "good" is very broad.
I guess I meant it in a way where you are married to a truly good person, somebody that doesn't mean you wrong, doesn't have addictions, isn't abusive, has not betrayed your trust in any way.
Sometimes there are problems in a marriage that make it obvious why somebody would want a divorce, but in my case, while there are plenty of things that I am not happy with, I feel like maybe I am overlooking all the good things, and I know that my husband is a very good person. So... I just wondered what others in similar situations may have gone through.
Because if he was an alcoholic, an addict, or abusive, we'd be divorced already. But the fact that he's a good person and has not done anything to me, makes it harder to call.
"while there are plenty of things that I am not happy with, I feel like maybe I am overlooking all the good things, and I know that my husband is a very good person"
This is my situation, too. It's not that he's done anything to me, it's more of what he hasn't done. He has neglected me, and seemed to have checked out of this marriage a couple of years ago. He's aware of the problems I have with this marriage, he's aware of his neglect. He'll pick up the pace for a while and then just stop again. He'll be really affectionate when it suits him, or he thinks I'm leaving, and then he stops again. Right now, he's in sad puppy, my wife is leaving, I'd better do something fast, mode. He keeps coming up behind me and kissing my neck (makes me cringe) or demanding that I kiss him (just give me a kiss and I'll leave you alone). He's never been this demanding before and it really bothers me. He knows I'm leaving, I have 1 foot out the door now. I just trying to figure out how to MAKE him leave. I even found a place for him to rent that is literally 2 blocks away, so the kids can go between the 2 houses whenever they want, but I doubt he'll do it, I really doubt he'll do it. He makes me crazy with all this suddenly trying to get me to stay, when he's done nothing of the sort for a couple of years. He's not a bad person, he's not a horrible dad. He's just not good for me. I wish I got out a LONG time ago, before I met OM.
Thanks to all who have voted.
Now I'm wishing I tagged on this question - how happy are you with your decision so far? Do any of you think you made the wrong choice or are you happy you did what you did?
Yah "Good" is too broad...hmmm his mom and sisters think he is a saint, and he is prominent and well regarded but only I know what the past years with him have been like. Then again in many ways he treated me like a queen, never forgot a birthday anniversary etc...never cheated, was very involved with our children etc etc. Was always home or working or volunteering to better the community etc etc.
Still, he was abusive. I am moving on, after many years married. For me, it was decided before I met my lover. Our children are grown.... I have no regrets.