Thoughts and questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Thoughts and questions
7
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 11:16am

I have been wondering about something for a while. I often look at couples around me who appear to be happy. And I automatically assume that they are happy. But is that so? What is the "norm" out there for couples? Is it that whoever is miserable will let everyone know? Or do they hide it? Do people admit to themselves and others that their lives are unhappy? I do!! And i feel that something is wrong with me when i look at everyone else and how happy they all are. But is that really the case? Or are people very good at covering things up?


Also - what is the connection between an unhappy relationship and someone having an A? I've seen both - people in happy and unhappy relationships who stray. For me personally it makes it a lot more difficult to see AP and to be nice to him when H and I are being nice to each other and happy.


I guess what i am curious is this - how much of what we perceive about other people's personal lives is the actual reality, and how much of it is just a cover?

Sunshine


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Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 11:58am

I've often wondered this also.....maybe more so because I am not happy in my marriage and after 2 years with AP know how good it COULD be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 1:30pm
how much of what we perceive about other people's personal lives is the actual reality, and how much of it is just a cover?



We actually have no idea what the answer to that question is. If you know a person (or couple) REALLY well, you might see a lot of things "wrong", or be able to pick up on body language, etc., that can tell you the truth. But when you know a person (or couple) only superficially, what you see might look "put together" and happy, when the truth is far different.



I actually consider myself in a happy marriage. Yes there are things I would change and my H isn't perfect, none of us are. But I think people think, mostly rightly, that we are happy. The fact that I'm having an affair would most likely come as a huge shock to anyone who knows us.



You know that term about "behind closed doors". We don't know what the truth is behind those doors, no way to tell for sure.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2010
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 1:35pm
I would venture to say that every happy couple you see isn't actually happy. I know for me, I don't want to be that couple that you see at the store arguing and/or bickering so I will definitely put on a good front in public. He would have to really tick me off while there for me to act otherwise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 1:41pm

I think most people are like you. I am the opposite! I do not ever hide how i am feeling towards my H in public. If i'm mad at him, i let the whole world see it. It is only recently that i've started to learn that it isn't right to do that.. some things should be discussed at home. And H hates it when i show everyone

Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 1:46pm

You are right. A lot of things that go on behind close doors in people's lives, we will never know. Sometimes later on you find out things that were actually wrong and you think "what?! No way!" because they hid it so well.


I don't know if it's the people hiding it intentionally or simply overlooking or closing their eyes to things that other people would be bothered by. Also different people are bothered by different things, so sometimes when one might say there isn't anything wrong in this relationship, another person may see lots wrong with it.


Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2009
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 11:56pm
I think at different periods in our marriages most people are happy sometimes and unhappy other times. Any person whether happy or unhappy in their marriage will enter into an affair, it has to do with the situation and the opportunity presenting itself. As for me and AP we believe we are both "settled" into our marriages and spouses and have made no indication that we will leave them for each other.
Avatar for earnhardt_jr_fan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 12:14am
From someone who put on a happy face whenever other people were around (or we were out in public), the answer is NO.. not all of them are happy. Most people don't want the general public to see their unhappiness or know their business so they will say and do whatever is necessary to protect themselves. I know *I* did it. Pretended to be happy when I was dying inside. I think people were SHOCKED when dh and I split up because everyone thought we had the perfect marriage.
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