Time frame?
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| Thu, 07-15-2010 - 1:41pm |
I know that there's really no "definitive" answer to this question, but I wanted to get some opinions.
I've been separated from my husband since the fall. AP left his wife this past spring. We want to be together, we are going to be together. I've never before met a man like him. He wasn't appreciated in his own marriage. I've been friends with him for 8 years / his soon to be ex for the same (though I only was as friendly with her as was necessary because I knew how she treated him), I saw first hand (both sides) of their marriage. I know the stigma that "if he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you". However, his marriage was dead long before he and I started getting emotionally (then eventually physically) involved. The love we have for each other is far deeper than "lust". It started as friendship and has evolved into this deep, amazing love. We know that we want to be together. We've talked about the future. etc etc etc.
What I'm looking for opinions on is...is there some form of a time frame that people go by to start letting on that you're seeing each other? We don't want to "come out" SO fast and make people question if I was the reason for the break up of his marriage. No one knows about "us" and we'd kind of like to keep it that way. I know, it's so deceitful...but we want to do this slowly so as not to arouse and suspicions.
Like I said, I know that there is no "real" answer to this - but I figured I'd get some opinions.

I don't know. I think every couple is different in their time frames. But here's a question. Imagine that you decide to wait another 6 months, and then you pretend to start seeing each other. Now it's five years later, and a pretty good, but rather new, friend of yours innocently asks, "So when and how did you two meet?" It's such a common question. Do you stick with the "official" story or do you tell her the truth? If you tell her the truth, and you do that with anyone you feel close to, it will eventually get back to the people you were keeping in the dark in the first place. (Just happened in a situation here - it was the guys' grown kids who heard the "real scoop" from someone who heard from someone blah blah which they suspected anyway but now know for sure, and now they're mad at him for the cheating AND the lying afterward).
But back to your time frame. You might also want to ask over on "AAS" where there are real life couples who started as A's. They must have had to figure out the same thing.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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I think people are always suspicious anyway, no matter how you do it.