Time to leave has come and gone
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| Sat, 11-22-2008 - 6:43am |
Hi all! Sorry I have been away so long I was in the hospital for 10 days. I was very, very sick w/ a double kidney infection, but I am all better now. At least physically.
I am sure that those of you who know me and my story will remember that I gave my AP until Christmas to be in his own place, and settled, or I was moving on. Then just to get his attention in September I told him that I wanted to see other people. I know it was very immature, but it worked...kind of. Two weeks later he comes to me and tells me he is two months ahead of schedule, and would be ready by October. Well, here we are mid-November, and he still at home w/ the W.
I got really upset yesterday when we began talking about Thanksgiving. I asked him what he was doing, and his reply was that his brother and his W, and her sister, and her H were coming over. I was like "Oh isn't that nice, couples Thanksgiving dinner at your house." "I am sure everyone will have a smashing time." and hung up. He calls me back, and I ask him how does he think that makes me feel. ANOTHER holiday alone.....that's F*cking fantastic!
The worst part of it all is he asked me for an extension on his move out date. I told him "Take all the time you need Honey." "But I won't be there." I just have this feeling that this years holidays are REALLY going to suck for me.
I feel so alone, and used. He says he loves me, and wants us to be a family, and I am the one who gave him a year to get his things in order, but I just feel like it's never going to happen.
This time of year is hard for me because my mom died on Dec 1, I lost a baby on Jan 1, and I had a brother die on Thanksgiving day, and another brother die on Feb 6th. So I usually get a little low around this time. Plus being in law enforcement I see so many kids that have NOTHING, and that usually upsets me too.
I am sorry guys, I hate to be a kill joy, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening :(

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I'm sorry you've been so sick and hope you are feeling much better.
It sounds like a really, really hard time of the year for you. Sending you hugs. You don't need your AP to be dragging his feet right now. I am not going to be popular for saying this, but one of the reasons he could be dragging his feet is the fact that it is the holiday season. Everything can get hard this time of year. I need to move out of my house too, but will not do it during the holiday season, even if I could manage it right now, which I can't anyway :( Of course it's up to you if you are prepared to let him move his deadline into the new year or not. If you are prepared to wait a little bit longer. It's up to you if he is or isn't worth waiting any longer for.
Pisces
Hey Justice girl.
Thank you everybody for your well wishes, and your advise. It really means a lot, more than you'll ever know.
As far as AP goes..... There is one thing I don't get. If he has no intentions on leaving, then why keep up the charade? I mean he knows that Dec 25th is coming. Why act like everything is going as planned? I have given him several outs, and he never takes them. But I have to be honest w/ myself. Things aren't looking good for me. I can't verify anything that he has said. I can only take him on his word. Which right now doesn't feel to trust worthy.
If he doesn't do what he says I find it hard to imagine what my life w/o him will be like. He is my first true love, and he has taught me so much about love, and how other people feel. I just don't want anybody else. That's why I stayed single for those 6 years that we were apart. I don't know a lot of things about what the future will hold, but I can tell you all this much....... I WILL NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO BE IN THIS SITUATION AGAIN! I will NEVER allow myself to love anyone the way that I love him. Truthfully I'd rather just be alone. I have to go now, I can't even read what I have written.
I just wanted to send you
I'm going to jump in here and say that though I understand where the last poster was coming from, I wouldn't put too much into this line of thinking. Why? Because you have been doing this for the last 6 years, of which the last one he was on a known (and supposedly understood) timeframe. I'm not saying she's not right as far as what could be going on inside of him. She may very well be. But it sounds to me like the situation is approaching on the ridiculous at this point. Your AP does not have children with this woman, claims to not be intimate, claims to not really love hear (as in "in love"), claims to love and want to be with you and his son, but what has he done about it? What? In this last year, one which he supposedly understood was given so that he could prepare, what has he REALLY done to leave? I would want to hear something concrete, not vague. I would want to hear, "I have set aside "x" amount of dollars in my savings account (which he then shows you). He said he needed to fix things around the home. I would want to hear, "I fixed the fence, painted the outside, put in new windows", whatever the case may be. Not, "oh, I did some stuff". I would want to hear, "I have found a place to move into. It's located at (fill in the blanks)." I would want to hear, "I have set up an appointment or have actually seen a divorce attorney, and this is what the plan is...". In other words, I would want to hear things he has definitely accomplished, steps he has actually taken towards what he claims he wants.
As for never loving anyone again, I say don't close yourself off from that. The problem isn't in loving someone. The problem is getting involved with someone who is not available. It just rarely has the happy outcome. Instead of saying you will never love like this again, say you will never get involved with someone who is not single and available to commit to you. You CAN find someone who will love you like you wish and give everything back that you give to this man. You just haven't because you've been too preoccupied (obsessed?) with a married man. You have been completely devoted to someone who has not been "completely" (with that being the operative word) devoted to you.
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