Tips? Answers? Help? Please respond
Find a Conversation
Tips? Answers? Help? Please respond
| Sat, 01-17-2004 - 8:52am |
I have a few questions that I really need answered.
1. How do you continue a normal sex life with dh? (I hate for him to touch me now)
2. How do you control the jealousy of wife? (I am very jealous,even though I know they have not had sex in a year-she told me that)
3. If you are friends with the couple (his wife and him) how do handle the guilt,and all the other problems that come with that relationship?
4. How do you get away to be alone? I have one friend that knows (she is also in EMA)and she is my alibi but I wonder how some of you get away to be with them.
5. How do you keep your life in order when all you want to do is be with them or at least be talking to them?
6. How do I survive this? He wants to marry me bigtime and does not love his wife and everyone knows that-even her.
7. How do I keep myself from going nuts???????
My relationship with my MM started in the church!!!!! That is a major problem for me....anyone else had that problem? I am so scared God will kill me or him or both(while we are together is my biggest fear!)
She is very suspicious and jealous of me due to some phone calls that were made from his cell to mine. (yes I know we screwed up on that part! wish I had found this board before then!!!)
1. How do you continue a normal sex life with dh? (I hate for him to touch me now)
2. How do you control the jealousy of wife? (I am very jealous,even though I know they have not had sex in a year-she told me that)
3. If you are friends with the couple (his wife and him) how do handle the guilt,and all the other problems that come with that relationship?
4. How do you get away to be alone? I have one friend that knows (she is also in EMA)and she is my alibi but I wonder how some of you get away to be with them.
5. How do you keep your life in order when all you want to do is be with them or at least be talking to them?
6. How do I survive this? He wants to marry me bigtime and does not love his wife and everyone knows that-even her.
7. How do I keep myself from going nuts???????
My relationship with my MM started in the church!!!!! That is a major problem for me....anyone else had that problem? I am so scared God will kill me or him or both(while we are together is my biggest fear!)
She is very suspicious and jealous of me due to some phone calls that were made from his cell to mine. (yes I know we screwed up on that part! wish I had found this board before then!!!)
Sometimes I wonder why we are doing this,....I am not sure if it will ever work out for us to be together. I love him very much. He is my BEST friend and I don't want to lose that.

Based on what you wrote, I can tell you my standpoint from observations of people I've known in similar situations...any advice you get on being with this person and tips on keeping secret may work for you in the short term, but your issues (jealousy, guilt, fear, obsessing with being with him, etc.) will have no quick fix and are usually extensions of something else...with our without the affair. Ask yourself hard questions. What has your H done to make you despise his touch? What is it about the W that makes you jealous? Is it just the fact that she is married to your lover or something deeper? Do you genuinely know he wants to marry you, or is it something he told you that you want to believe being that you don't like H's touch and you are jealous of his W? While there is a possibility this may not be the case with your lover, keep in mind that most men who engage in EMA's are in it primarily for the sex. They will do just about anything (to a point) and say just about anything to keep the sex coming until they feel otherwise about it. Some women involved in such relationships are like this too, but keep in mind most women give the sex in order to get emotional relationships and validation. So be careful.
Again, others will be able to offer more than what I said (and different), but my two cents is here for the taking. I am interested to see if anyone will respond to your fear about God killing you both, and how they will respond to that. You are obviously religious. While I'm do not consider myself as deeply religious, I know that what you are doing goes against everything you learn in church. Good luck and hang in there.
Pen
Edited 1/17/2004 9:21:12 AM ET by pensiveone
I have to say you know how to get into trouble LOL :-)
I wish I had a lot of good advice for you but don't, except hang on to your heart your in for a roughride.
Your going to have to deal with God yourself he is your judge not me and I not going to say anything to get his attention!!!
Questions I would ask if I were you:: way a man 15 years older whats going on there. Did you start hating you husbands touch after the relationship started or before did his flaws get bigger after the R start even presex, if so it could suggest you have need to justify what you are doing.
If his wife is a firebrand type she may not give up tell she can prove what is going one and then expose you to the church body.
If you want to stay in the church you should back off, what ever you decide getting IC to answer the questions and to help deal with your emotions is a good idea.
GOOD LUCK
FREE
I trouble and welcome,
Firstly... I'll answer you're questions the best I can with the experience I've gained.
1. How do you continue a normal sex life with dh? (I hate for him to touch me now) Initially I did have problems with DH touching me... but I soon realised that the problems had nothing to do with MM, but were problems that were within our marriage.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My