Tired :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Tired :(
18
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 2:21pm

I'm just feeling really worn down lately, some of which is due to my A.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 10:24am

Many, many ((((hugs)))) to you Jane!

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 12:45pm

AE-Yep, it is ALL self-induced...that's why it drives me nuts!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 5:50pm

I think if you dont know why you changed from happily married to having two affairs , the reason may be that deep down you want to get out of your marriage . May be you dont find a nice & wonderful husband attractive , or you were never in love with him
or you have outgrown him. All these reasons are justified .

Many times affairs happen only to get rid of current partner . See if everything is good you have no excuse to leave , but once there are other men , Ddays in picture you and your spouse have genuine reasons to end the marriage . So this could be your motivation too .

As to how you would explain if it comes to light , I think you will need to mention some of the shortcomings of your partner .

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 3:45pm
Jane-a late reply, but I remembered reading this thread the other day and relating to some of what you said. I am tired too-tired of trying to figure out what MM wants from me if anything other than friendship. I know he wants my friendship because we spend a lot of time talking, it has been almost an hour each day for the past several weeks. There may be a flirty comment or two thrown in by me and an occasional one from him, but that is it. It has been 6 weeks since I told him how I felt, what I wanted and we have managed one breakfast-one chunk of alone time. He mentioned getting lunch this week or next. I have resolved not to ask when or get my hopes up because of the disappointment last time. I actually assumed breakfast was the substitute for our missed lunch, but he brought up getting lunch when we spoke yesterday. I guess I am just tired of making all this effort and putting all of this energy in "this" whatever it is. I think at this point I am just ready to ask him what he wants from me & does he see this going anywhere. If not, I'll need to let it go. Now just finding a good time and place to talk about this stuff where no coworkers are around-this would be that lunch that I am waiting for him to schedule. I might just have to take the bull by the horns and set it up so I can get this whole thing resolved. It has been 4 months since we started with these lunches and flirting, etc. It has been fun, but I am just tired of the waiting for maybe nothing to ever happen and reading in to and analyzing things. The novelty is starting to wear off. I long for those old days when I was content with H too. I know I can't be again because we have major issues aside from this EA I am in. This was going to be a little light in my life to make the rest of it bearable..
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2007
In reply to: janejosie
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 7:47pm

Oh wow, how I can identify with what all of you are saying. I love my H, but I love my AP. But I really wish I didn't love AP. I know he cares for me and I'm very glad he either really doesn't love me or will just not admit it because then we'd really be in a mess. His avoidance of love is what is keeping both of us sane. I can't leave this marriage because there is no reason to. I love DH, we never fight, we do things together.

AP and I are like fire and ice. He frustrates the hell out of me at times but yet I love him and just can't leave him alone. We've been friends for nearly 30 years and I hate to lose that. Our sex is phenomenal. And I've lost the spark for DH. We have sex, but it's nothing like when AP and I get together. I get jealous of his wife and all she has with him. But yet, I wonder if AP and I would make a great couple in RL. I still want him. I need him. I love him. As much as I love him, I wish I could go back 4 years to when he and I were just friends, not lovers. This A was supposed to help me add a spark my boring life. It has just complicated it so much. I want to go back. Life was so much simpler then. And I wasn't so tired...

Sorry, if some of this doesn't make sense. I've had a little too much wine tonight to try to dull the emotions but they've come out anyway.

I apologize for rambling on. Here is the only place I can talk about AP and my feelings. I avoid talking to him about this because I don't really want to burden him or make him uncomfortable. I am meeting with AP for a brief get together tomorrow morning and that's all I can think about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 11:14pm
Bestplayer---I definitely think that is in the back of my mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 11:20pm
Jersey-You said a lot of things I am thinking!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 11:35pm

His avoidance of love is what is keeping both of us sane.


I totally agree with this!

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