TMI.... std ?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
TMI.... std ?
6
Fri, 06-22-2012 - 8:16pm
Hi, I have been a lurker here because I have a reason to be here. AP is ofcourse a MM, a happily MM. I have been separated from H for abt 15 months. Been with AP for about 14 months and been in PA for 12 months. I was with H for 13 yrs, 2 kids. Before AP, I had never been with another man, never even crossed my mind to look at anoher man like that even when I was very unhappy in my M. H also never cheated on me or anything like that, but we never had a good M since he has a lot of mental issues.
So, the reason I dropped my guards here is, I just got a call from my GYN, that my paps result showed mild grade HPV. I never had abnormal paps. Last normal paps was 2 months before IC with AP. We had protected sex until a few months ago. I didn't feel the need since I've had tubal, and I trust him (? Really?). He has told me he had only had 3 partners before his W and I don't need to worry about a thing. I believed him. I have known him for over 5 yrs as a coworker. Been best of the best friends for over 3 yrs.
NOW, do I tell him? I'm afraid what his reaction will be. Even if we communicate well in other areas, there are some we have problems. He doesn't get mad, but he certainly doesn't have problem pointing the finger towards me smoothly, and I find myself very helpless and controlled. Please help!
I have a FU with my GYN in 3 wks, I'm really scared.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
In reply to:
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 9:38pm
The only way to not have or to not get Hpv is to be a virgin having married another virgin. If you're saying you've never been with another man except your H then there are two conclusions: your H was involved with someone at some point or your AP gave it to you. This virus can take YEARS to rear its head. Your APs wife could just not have had it discovered yet, (since it is very slow to show) and men dont show any signs of having it so it's even possible that your AP has no clue he has it. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but truly the only thing that will happen is your dr will keep a close watch on you're paps. You'll be fine, really. 80%of people have HPV and probably don't even know it. Condoms do not prevent the spread, so if you are with anyone who has been with anyone else at some point, then the chances of you getting it are pretty high. It's something to think about for sure when deciding to get into a PA or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 9:54pm

Hi!  I just wanted to also say that many women do not get tested or even go the the gyno regularly. I know many women who don't go for years.  I am assuming that she has it, too, and that she simply hasn't had it diagnoed yet.  I agree that you need to tell him. You obviously caught it from him, and he needs to know that he is a carrier of a STD.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 11:46am
I forgot to say in my post that I agree you should tell him. He may not know he has it and if he is ever in another relationship, he needs to know he can pass it on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 11:50am
7, was your H in any relationships before you guys got married? You said you're certain he hasn't cheated on you but if he was in a relationship before yours, he could still have the virus, not know it, pass it on to you, and it take this long to show up as an abnormal pap for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 12:49pm
7, yep, it can take years...and condoms do not prevent transmission of hpv so if your H had previous partners it 'could' have come from him. Your AP could have not been honest about the number of partners, but really, the number doesn't matter with this virus. It just takes one person to pass it on and since men doesn't get any symptoms for certain Hpv s and they are not tested, he can honestly not know he Is carrying it. He needs to know for future relationships. I can understand your apprehension in telling him. Bite the bullet and tell him because he need to know. Wishing you strength! Good luck