Todays postings are making me feel guilt

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Todays postings are making me feel guilt
11
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 2:35pm
I saw my OM last night which, to me makes it officially and affair and not just a one night stand. He contacted me Saturday night and I was honestly surprised, I didn't think I would hear from him after his visit with LDGF. But, happily I did.

My H is actually home, leaves again tomorrow. So I lied to get out of the house for three hours to see OM last night. It felt wrong to lie and create an excuse, the last time H was out of town so an excuse was a non-issue, "what he doesn't know won't hurt him", right? I had definate knots in my stomach all evening (drinking bitters and tonic to try to settle my stomach down), as soon as I left the house I felt find though. And it was out of this world great to see OM...

The sex is just so totally amazing. He, of course, doesn't want his roommate to know so we were stuck in the car. Thank goodness for folding down mini-van seats. All it is is sex, I don't even know his last name for gods sake...

Anyway, I was feeling good and exhilerated about the whole thing until I started seeing all the postings today about those of you who are way beyond where I am and are dealing with consequences and decisions. I am hoping that I get my infatuation with OM out of my system before anyone gets hurt.

H would die, and then kill me. I am not sorry for what I am doing. As OM said last night, it feels so good to be bad. We are both justifying our actions, telling ourselves that they don't have anything to do with our other relationships. I know that that is a lie. I know that I need to deal with what is wrong at home. But right now I just want to feel good and have fun, maybe I will deal later... Hopefully before it is too late.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 3:02pm
hmm... forbidden donut...

(cheers to anyone who gets the reference)


Yes, it feels good to be bad.

As for those of us beyond the fun sex thing... well, we all end up where we mean to be, consciously or not. There are people here who are content with a sex type thing to supplement their R. I might have been content with that if the OW didn't turn out to be such an amazing person out of the bedroom. But for you, maybe kinky sex with a stranger is enough of a boost that the R will survive it.

Honestly, before I got married I had a brief fling with someone who was pretty surreal in bed but with whom I never would have entertained a R. That fling is probably what enabled me to deal with problems with my GF who became my W. The wild sex on one night, a nice dinner out and quiet movie the next. I was a little guilty, but everyone was happy.

But... now I've been married 5 years and I find I have the same problems with her now that I did before I was married. In a way I'm realizing that my fling then was a way of escaping my issues instead of truly addressing them. I ended up feeling guilty and not wanting to lose someone I had so much invested in. So even though I didn't think she had changed much, I stuck it out with her and got married. And now I'm moving out and leaving my M.

Hmm. Maybe I'm not a good example to learn from. Or maybe I am. One thing is for sure though: really good sex is a double edged sword. It's great when you're having it, but very hard to get over when it's gone.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 5:01pm
Guilt. I do know that feeling. In the beginning of my A, I had some guilty feelings, mostly in the form of a stomach ache. If it is just an affair for sex, don't let your emotions get involved. If you really want to work on your M, you should seek counseling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 5:04pm


welcome to the board, imontheverge!!

All I can say is I had no intentions of being where I am right now.. I sometimes look in the mirror and wonder how I have gotten here...YET.. I haven't done anything to change the situation I am in..

I am the one who would "never have an affair" "how could people do that to the people they love" And here I sit typing a letter to post on a "my affair support board"..funny how things turn out.. LOL

But I am here.. and I like my OM ALOT!!! And I can't/won't give him up...Yes, I admit its a roller coaster ride..the highs are so high and the lows are even lower... But all in all.. I like him enough to deal with it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 5:32pm
Well, I can't say I wasn't warned...

When I first posted here saying that I was ready to go beyond the text-messaging word play and consumate the affair I received lots of warnings. Too intrigued to listen.

But I really don't feel guilty for my actions at all. Again, I know it is all just a twisted means of justifying my behavior and I am convincing myself that it isn't so bad. I have imagined what would happen if H found out. I still don't think I would feel guilty or sorry for what I have done -- only sorry that he knew what I had done.

That I have this secret makes me feel good, sexy, young, naughty (as does OM) -- and that doesn't feel at all like a bad way to feel. So I am dealing, and looking forward to the next time, and hoping these rug burns go unnoticed by H (wearing long pants today). LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 6:22pm
well... no, you cant say you weren't warned... thought I remembered that thread, wasn't sure if it was you or not.

we all warned you, I believe.

and told you the guilt can be difficult, as can the guilt of non-guilt...

and that it's more than a little addicting to get that buzz...


and having said that...

welcome to the dark side. pants are strictly optional.

;)



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:09pm
Guilt of non-guilt!!!



That is the one that kills me the most!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 10:28pm
That is it exactly. The guilt of non-guilt. The buzz...

I have to say I got a kick sitting at dinner opposite H, happily discussing kids. And all the while thinking of last night with OM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 12:35am
uh-oh... she's got the buzz now... lol

the private joke...

the split second sensation that you've had a conversation about a topic already then realized, "oops, wrong lover... guess I'll have this chat again."

hmm. I have to say I'm suddenly given to wicked thoughts. Probably the late hour.


rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 8:16am
"the guilt of non-guilt" Wow! Perfectly said. MM feels guilty of hurting me and my family but feels guilty of not feeling guilty about his W and children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 8:50am


AAAHH ...the double story telling...

Well, my favorite is when I go home and talk to H about OM because he is a client of mine.. My OM thinks its funny...and so do I sometimes...

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