Todays postings are making me feel guilt

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Todays postings are making me feel guilt
11
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 2:35pm
I saw my OM last night which, to me makes it officially and affair and not just a one night stand. He contacted me Saturday night and I was honestly surprised, I didn't think I would hear from him after his visit with LDGF. But, happily I did.

My H is actually home, leaves again tomorrow. So I lied to get out of the house for three hours to see OM last night. It felt wrong to lie and create an excuse, the last time H was out of town so an excuse was a non-issue, "what he doesn't know won't hurt him", right? I had definate knots in my stomach all evening (drinking bitters and tonic to try to settle my stomach down), as soon as I left the house I felt find though. And it was out of this world great to see OM...

The sex is just so totally amazing. He, of course, doesn't want his roommate to know so we were stuck in the car. Thank goodness for folding down mini-van seats. All it is is sex, I don't even know his last name for gods sake...

Anyway, I was feeling good and exhilerated about the whole thing until I started seeing all the postings today about those of you who are way beyond where I am and are dealing with consequences and decisions. I am hoping that I get my infatuation with OM out of my system before anyone gets hurt.

H would die, and then kill me. I am not sorry for what I am doing. As OM said last night, it feels so good to be bad. We are both justifying our actions, telling ourselves that they don't have anything to do with our other relationships. I know that that is a lie. I know that I need to deal with what is wrong at home. But right now I just want to feel good and have fun, maybe I will deal later... Hopefully before it is too late.

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Avatar for rainbowbrite_14
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 11:04am
Chiming in here. That is a profound saying, "Guilt of non-guilt." That is what has been really throwing me off. I don't feel bad at all. So I feel bad about not feeling bad. Glad it's not just me!

Rainbow
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