Told MM How I Feel - His Response...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Told MM How I Feel - His Response...
5
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 7:20pm
First off- PLEASE READ THIS, I KNOW IT'S LONG BUT I NEED HELP... THANK YOU... ( it's pretty quick to read)

Ok, those that replied to my earlier post said they would be flatteredd or something along those lines if they received a complimentarty email... So I sent it late on Friday nite. This is what I sent.. and PLEASE forget about the health issue I tell him about. This post is not about that. Thx. His response is at the bottom- and I'm sorry this is long

MY EMAIL:



Thanks for today- I want to share something with you with the request

that you 1) PLEASE keep this private and 2) do not run a thousand miles

away from me. I ask nothing from you and this is NOT intended to be

heavy or burdensome to you. If anything, it is therapeutic for me.

However, none of my sports friends know about this. So mums the word-

OK? Promise? Thank you.

I was diagnosed with cancer a little over a yr ago have been through

some medical stuff (that I won't bore you with) since then. So the May

6th date surgery is for me. (I am sick - not my daughter. Sorry for the lie)

Work has kept me pre-occupied- the busier I am the less I think about

this. If I don't go on my biz trip, that will force me to tell others

of my health and I can't bring myself to do this, not yet. Seems

like the walls are closing in on me right now and I need to keep things

organized. Kids are pretty much in the dark as they are too young to

understand about things like this- for them life needs to be about

school, hockey, gymnastics, friends, etc. nothing more. I won't concern

them, at least not yet. This has also played havoc on my marriage; he

blames me for getting sick and creating problems for him. ( won't bore

you with that either). It creates a closed heart and again work

becomes my safe haven. I have always been ambitious and driven;

working a lot is the perfect disguise.

One day I prayed to God to show me something in life that was genuine

and real. Make me see that the cup was half full not half empty......

And guess what?

I got an email from you- about hockey of course, but it lead into having

innocent fun and crazy emails . Little by little I got to know you-

a fresh of breath air. You place no pressure or expectations on me-

you are tender, sweet, kind, and funny. You're adorable. And since

you have (had) no idea that I'm sick you don't treat me like a 'problem'

or bad person. I can be 'me' to a certain extent with you. You fill a

void for me and I unexpectedly found that I could still feel 'something'

in my otherwise numb heart. I thank you for this. Sometimes you seem

to be the one thing that makes sense in my life. (now again, relax....

don't get all weird on me here)

So ........why are you different? Because you are 'safe' and I can

handle that. You are easy to be with- it's that simple. I feel

comfortable around you and yes, I tell you things because it feels

right.

You are wonderful. I hope you hear that every day at home.

Again, I am not asking anything of you - I just needed to cut through

everything and let you know that you're special to me. I'm almost 40

and I don't think like a school girl or play games. Life's too

precious to not let the people you care about know how you feel.

It's late and I am tired. And just so you know, although I feel we are

on a level where you'll be ok with all I have said.... I hesitated to

hit the send button,,,,,,,

Get back to work now.


OK- THIS IS HIS RESPONSE: (the bar reference is where we were at that day)

So,

Does this mean we party tonight or tomorrow or both?

You're supposed to be smiling.....

By the way as we were leaving the bar yesterday, the roady (the guy

setting up the stage) asked if we were coming back for the country jam.

I told we couldn't make but to ask the waitress for a dance during the

show.

Do you think he did?

**************************************************************

What is going on here? Oh and by the way, we have been emailing today. So I guess he's not blowing me off? But I still don't get his response above.

Help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 7:26pm
vles -

first off, sorry to hear about your illness (and I know this is not about that issue, but still felt compelled to give you my best and prayers).

Second --- What did he mean by that "ask the waitress for a dance" comment? At first glance it seems to me that he is telling you something.. but having to read all your posts and your story, I can't say that for sure. It sure does seem from out in left field! I hope someone else can answer for you. That's a weird one. Hang in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 7:32pm
It sounds to me like he didn't want to make an issue about your health problem because you had said that you loved that he didn't treat you differently (because he didn't know). As for the part of you caring about him, in my honest opinion, I think after he read the cancer part he didn't even realize what you were trying to say. Although you made it sound like it wasn't a big deal, it is. You may feel like he totally ignored what you were trying to say, but after reading your email and then his he sounds like he has a good heart. The first thing he tried to do was make you laugh. I really don't know what else to say other than I just don't think he comprehended the last part. And he went about with normal conversation because he didn't want to dwell on the first part of your email...because that is exactly what you didn't want him to do. Maybe if you want to tell him how you feel about him try again in a few days.....you did give him a bit of a shocker. And totally off of the subject....I'll say a prayer for you. I lost my mom to breast cancer 3 years ago. Stay positive (although it sounds like you are)! Give him some time to digest the first part and tell him how you feel again...you may get more of a response that you wanted next time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 7:34pm
R- When we get together, we meet at a little hole-in-the-wall country bar. We have the same waitress all the time. When we were there on Friday, the band was setting up and the rodie was walking aronud- my MM was just trying to be cute with the bar comments. I walked out with him and this conversation never he refers to never happened. SO I think he is just trying to be light and funngy??

We emailed today. We mention nothing of this whole thing which is fine. He may not know what to say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 7:49pm
You may be right- I never intended for him to declare his love or say "oh my gosh- what can I do to help you or be with you?" That's not feasible. However, I couln't hold back any longer and needed to tell him. I didn't want him to think that I am in love with him (which I am) or dependent on him. I will not come across as a burden, but did want to give a little of myself to him.

Anyhow, today in an email I told him I was takng my 8 yr old to DC on a biz trip that I had half -jokingly invited him on a week ago( his corp hdqtrs is in DC). In those week-old emails he said he would be interested in going and then a few emails later he made some comment that "it's all good entertainment". So I took this to mean he was only kidding, and assumed I WAS serious and thus he pulled back. OK- so today after I tell him since he can't make it, I am taking my son. He replies with: "I was actually looking into going to DC, but take your son instead.

I'll go some other time."

So- WAS HE SERIOUS ABOUT JOINING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? we barely kiss when we are together. or is this a safe thing to say since I already said I was taking my son?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 10:18pm
vles, this is my first time posting here, so I can't believe I'm giving YOU advice...

I don't know your story at all, but I think your OM really likes you. His response to your email was clumsy, but I think sometimes certain kinds of men just don't know what to say when women articulate their feelings. It doesn't mean he didn't understand or absorb what you said. His goofy email was just his way of saying “okay…I hear you…can we switch to a way of talking that DOESN’T freak me out, now?” Deep talk just freaks some men out. My OM is like that. If I send him a sentimental email (I try not to! Sometimes I just HAVE to!) He will usually not even reply at all. Then two weeks later, he’ll make some sort of subtle reference to some little point I made in the email, and I’ll know it DID sink in.

Just like women, men like to have nice things said about them. I think men, even more so than us, get into affairs to have their egos stroked a little bit. If he likes you, and I think he does, you can assume he appreciated your sweet words. I think the thing he said about party now or party later is probably code for, “ok, you said your heavy thing, I heard it, and I’m not going anywhere.” That’s good, isn’t it? It would have been nicer if he said something eloquent in return, but my hunch is that you’re not going to get that with this hockey guy. My OM (also a hockey guy) and I have been seeing each other seven months. He calls me every day. Yesterday, in an email after coming back from a vacation, he wrote “missed ya”. Not even “missed you”. Missed “YA”. This is the most “romantic” thing this man, who I have been sleeping with for six months, has ever said to me. I figure if I give him another seven years or so I might get a “luv ya”. LOL. But I am 100% sure he DOES love me. It’s frustrating that he is so reluctant to say so, but I am learning to get used to interpreting his gestures instead. He is not a cuddly guy either. The other day in the car, he held my hand for about thirty seconds. He’s never done that. I couldn’t breathe I was so surprised! But I was totally careful to pretend not to notice his BIG GESTURE. Which to him, I’m sure was as hard as an expression of undying devotion! Men can be such goofs. But you know in your heart when you have a good one. My gut feeling is that your OM makes you happy too and that he really did look into going on that trip. You probably need to be a bit sparing with the hearts-and-flowers talk with this guy. Once in a while is ok. But I don’t think you have anything to worry about, here. Good luck!!