Told my best friend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Told my best friend...
10
Sun, 09-02-2012 - 4:01am

I have kept my A hidden from every soul in my life, last night I had to come clean to my best friend in my desperate need for him to cover up where i was on Friday night. We are very close, talk daily and have been best of  friends for over 20 years, we truly have each others best interests at heart, always have and always will, we have endured a lot together, there is a long history, and we have never betrayed or hurt one another throughout our friendship.

We share everything with each other and i trust him dearly, but refrained from telling him anything out of pure fear that he may share this secret with his partner, his partner is wonderful but is very black and white - there are no shades of grey for him.  My best friend understood my concern however expressed that he is closer to me than what he is with his partner, and would not put me at risk under any circumstance. I feel the same bond with him, we have a closer than close sibling relationship.

He initially cried when i confessed, then he was angry with me for having lied to him for so long (which i understand) then this transpired to feelings of compassion and understanding. He revealed that his mother confided in him with a similar story when he was a young adult, and he never told a soul. I was shocked when he shared this with me, he did with the intent to put my mind at ease. He has given me his word that he would take it to his grave, and will be there for me to support me through whatever path I choose.

I feel a sense of freedom for having told someone after having kept this hidden for almost four years now, it feels relieving in a way. However, i still feel a little nervous that my secret life is out and that there is a person in my life that knows about it now.

I'm wondering whether it was a wise decision or whether i have put myself at a higher risk. Can anyone share their experience? How wrong could this turn out? I don't want to be discovered nor do i want to lose my friendship over this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Re: Told my best friend...
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 10:26am

First of all about your nerves: I hereby command your nerves to be calm and relaxed about this... in fact they are more relaxed than pre-admission. There.. done :smileyhappy:

Second, to the gastronomical subject: The mass-produced cookies are a decoy! My blood sugar may be low, but not because I'm a diabetic, but only due to a self-imposed restriction on everything sugary. My palate must not be corrupted with artificial flavors, otherwise it wouldn't be able to fully appreciate the bliss of natural finesse of the tiramisu when that slow and dangerous train finally approaches the destination! I have faith :smileywink:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 4:05pm
sireanita wrote:

Looks like you already found yourself a nice MW. So, give away the secret !! LOL

I have been working on her for some time now.... it's just that a matter of time :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 4:02pm

 

OK sireanita and JJ, I have to give away the reason, although I have said this before in the past in other ways. I think tiramisu won't object to the thread hijack :smileywink:

Your guys have been previously married, and it is sort of a failure in the back of their minds even if they don't acknowledge it. So subconsciously the fact that there could be yet another failure bothers them greatly. They also don't want to let YOU ladies down, down the road.

The other thing is, a man that has been married before, and is still in his right mind, would be crazy :smileywink: to give up his freedom, especially for a woman that he has already won over.

The situation would never change, specially with setting deadlines and pushing him with words. It would only push him away as he has already told you. He is a bit manipulative in that sense too, to put the ball in your court, so to speak.

He will ONLY change, if the fear of losing you outweighs the benefit gained in his freedom, if that makes sense. So again, no amount of "talk", pushing, etc. would work. Feeling needy on the weekends and trying to text him is not the solution either. You've got to show that you're independent, and happy, and he's not the one providing that happiness for you. It requires a certain degree of feminine ingenuity and subtlety :smileywink:

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 9:49am
lannmann wrote:
sireanita wrote:

Looks like you already found yourself a nice MW. So, give away the secret !! LOL

I have been working on her for some time now.... it's just that a matter of time :smileyhappy:


LOL Iannmann, I didn't realise I was high maintenance :smileywink:

Sireanita - define nice  :smileywink:

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 9:59am
LOL, did he deliver?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 9:18pm

1-You know what I mean by "nice".

2-She didn't find me one, but I still delivered, out of my compassion :smileywink:

3-I haven't gotten to the point to figure out if you're high-maintenance or not, but I don't think I would mind :smileywink:

4-I was only referring to the fact that I still haven't gotten a taste of that tiramisu... but I have something called "deduction" :smileyhappy: