Tomorrow is the day....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tomorrow is the day....
2
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 6:56pm
...that I get to see MM alone for the 1st time in about 5 weeks due to vacation and work schedules. It is funny, but I seemed to have distanced myself from him on purpose b/c I missed him so very much during the 1st few weeks when we were each on our respective vacations and had no real contact with him other than a few business-related emails. We would have gotten together last week, but with our schedules, it would have be rushed. He really wanted to meet, but I told him that I wanted two days with him (tomorrow pm and Tuesday am) instead. He seemed a little concerned at first. Like I didn't really want to see him. Usually, I jump at the chance and drop whatever I am doing (within reason) to be able to meet him. But, I waited so long to see him, that I wanted to be able to take my time and really enjoy being with him. I wanted the closeness too, not just the sex.

Of course, since I over-analyze everything, now I am wondering if the magic is wearing off? Did I push him into the back of my mind so far that I have ended up pushing him away from me altogether? I saw him last week in a meeting, we did get to slip away for a few minutes alone to steal a kiss or two. At first, I felt a little shy and distant, but then I warmed up to him. I know he sensed it. He even asked me if I was ok. Also, this distance I was feeling could have been due to the fact that he had to leave early b/c he had plans with W. I got to hear all of the "we" BS that I am so fond of :( That "we" stuff usually makes me feel a little distant too. I mean, I know he is M, I just really don't want to hear about it.

Does any of this make sense to anyone? I just never felt quite this way before. Maybe it is my turn to pull back, who knows??

Words of encouragement are greatly appreciated!

Many hugs

RH

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 7:05pm
Hi RH,

Don't know if I'm going to be able to say anything that's going to help you in any way... I think it's fair enough to want to wait for a bit more time to be able to spend with MM rather than grab those spare moments here and there... MM has done this to me... we;ve had times when we could have met for an hour or so... but he's like let's just wait until we have at least and afternoon and I think in many ways... it's so much better.

I can understand why you may have felt a little distant... with him rushing off to meet up with his wife. While MM and I talk about our spouses and family all the time and it really doesn't bother me what he does with them... if I was to meet up with him and he was rushing to get to her... I'd probably feel a little out of it too.

You have just gone through quite a long period without much contact and I think you are probably in the mode where you are thinking this through... and I think that's perfectly normal with how you are feeling... working through emotions and despite the break... wanting a little space to deal with it.

I said I probably couldn't help much and I doubt that I have... but just know that I'm here for you.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 9:03pm
Thanks Sweet!

Your message did made me feel better about things. I just needed to know that what I was feeling somehow made sense to someone other than me and that I was not going crazy. I am hoping that when I see him tomorrow, all will be well. It is just that sometimes when we go w/o contact for an extended period of time, I start wondering if this is really worth the pain and suffering. Of course when I see his face or hear his voice, I know that it is. Thanks again

Hugs to you

RH