Tomorrow is June 1....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tomorrow is June 1....
20
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 12:58pm
and I am keeping my pact... No more contact with MM.

I don't have the heart to tell my heart 'no' so I need you all to help me in making sure my head is what I listen to.

MM and I did have a nice time Friday when we DID meet for drinks after work. He was even there before me- which never happens ( but I usuallly get there about 15 mins early). He kissed me twice ( whooppee! Right?) Well it's a whopping 'one more" kiss than usual. He did talk about getting together again. But we seldom set on seeing each other too far in advance.

Anyhow- I can't let this cloud my thinking. I am determined to be true to my head NOT my heart.

I can do this....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 5:06pm
Yes, you can do this if this is what you want. You have the power to control your own mind and your own life. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 7:32pm
Far-

Oh, it's NOT what I want at all.... but it's what it HAS to be....

thus the support....

thx.

v.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 12:08am
V

sooooooo did you make it thru the day ---

Kikki...

who could never make such a pact and has tried several times BELIEVE ME !!!!

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:03am
V

Yesterday (June 1) I made pretty much the same pact. Although I have to say MM left for a 2 week trip to the uK so it might be easier right now then it will be in two weeks when he returns! I am mad at him so it makes it easier, he never told me he would be in London and the family elsewhere. Not sure even how long that will be the case...he never communicates anything to me. I walked up to my house from our community pool Friday and he was sitting in my driveway in his new car...got it monday.... we talked at least twice since then and he didnt' even mention it. I know he is busy with lots on his mind...but sheesh that seems a tad rediculous! I guess I just don't rate...so neither does he!

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:27am
<< I walked up to my house from our community pool Friday and he was sitting in my driveway in his new car...got it monday.... >>

DD, Hang in there. My MM's Wife pulled into MY neighborhood to show off her new SUV to my MM....which works in my Neighborhood. I happened to be at the neighborhood pool as well and saw them. GAG! He didn't mention it to me that she was getting it, maybe to spare my feelings??

V- hang in there. I've spoke my words to you a bunch on letting go. It's hard as hell, you can only take it a minute, hour, day at a time. The heart is a tender place that we store precious memories. Usually remembering the better over the worse for some reason. You can do this. Try some sort of dissociation therapy. Go other places, do other things... another good therapy is adversion. Think negative thoughts until you get through the initial break-up. Maybe you should just seek Professional Therapy?? Just in the beginning. JMHO

ox, Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:50am

That happen to me too, lol, last summer. I told my MM that I wanrted a new car. He was all excited and said he wanted

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 2:34pm
Well Kikki-

This is what June 1 was like for me.... I emailed MM to make sure he threw something away that I gave to him when we saw each other for drinks this past Friday after work. I panicked this weekend so I needed assurance. I know, I know, it was also a way to connect. So this started an email thread for the afternoon. He sent me one that I just really didn't understand so I just called him. We talked for about 10 mins and laughed with each other. Although there was the awkward pause once. So I failed.

THEN.... found myself deeply thinking of him while I worked out late last night. It was midnight when I got to my car and I proceeded to go out of my way to drive to where he works, just to be 'close' to him. It is now 12:30 am. (and of course he is snug at home in bed) I just couldn't help myself. I have never done something this stupid before. By the time I got home, it was almost 1:00 am. I sat in my garage, turned the car off, listened to music and cried. And cried. And cried. I was so lonely for him- I ached. I dove into the depth of my heart and prayed to God not to take MM away from me. That I need him as a part of my life and I want to be a part of his.

Well, no email from MM today as of yet so I guess God is telling me 'no'.

Something weird happened today (or yes, maybe I am overanalyzing this) but I went to have lunch with my son ( who goes to the same school and is in the same grade as his daughter) and when my son and I went outside to shoot hoops at recess, his daughter kept looking at me. No- I really was not imagining this. She seemed a little 'fixed' on me.

Not sure if that means anything at all, but she's never done it before... and she has known who I am for a long time. Heck - she even came to our house one night ( long before her dad and I started this little email affair) to play.

SOOOOO.... How did I do yesterday? I FAILED MISERABLY. I AM BACK TO FEELING DEPRESSED AND HURT BY LACK OF EMAILS (MEANING ZERO) TODAY.

I can't shake this, but tomorrow is a new day, right?





iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:19pm

Tomorrow is another day. Things eventually work out. They do, :).


I've done the "just to be close to him thing" too. I 'll replay his message or I'll call his voice mail at work

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:33pm
I saved his last phone message to me at work from a few weeks ago but our stupid phone system wipes them off after so many build up. I was soooo bummed out. I took this as a sign from God that this is just not meant to be more than what it is.

So, how do you call his voice mail w/o him knowing you do this' or does he know? My MM has caller ID and knows my number and it would record on his system even if he were not to answer.

What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:26pm
(((hugs))) to you Vles. NC is so very hard. I understand how you are feeling. They say it will get better eventually. I hope and pray they are right! It has been three weeks NC for me and I'm still a mess. Until today I had refused to allow myself to read any of the email I had saved or look at any pictures. I thought it would help me get over him. But it hasn't so I thought maybe if I read them it will help. Well it hasn't either. It has just made everything worse. There's just nothing we can do except gut it out and try to get through it the best we can.

Hang in there.

GB2

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