Too Blind To See It

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Too Blind To See It
16
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 3:24pm

Hi again. I have been here before...its been a few months. A recap of my story - meet my AP about a year ago. We knew each other from the past but it had been about 15 years. We coicidentally were out at a bar on the same night (he's living with someone with a 3 year old son, I'm married with a daughter). Never in a million years would I have expected to be into him but wow, sparks flew the instant we saw each other and so it began. We talk on e-mail every week but mostly very sexual messages, a few phone calls and have seen each other about 7 times over the year - its amazing when we are together - so much in common, hours of chatting, lots of fun and physically so good as well. I felt like I missed out on him many years ago.


Its been a roller coaster ride for me - very emotional. Because we don't see each other alot and our texting

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 5:37pm

Hi kelugirl,


Well, I had written a very lengthy post...and while not being preachy, it was certainly extremely cautionary.


I just want to say...don't do it. It will cause you pain, it will wreak havoc with your life. it will drain you dry. You already sound fairly emotionally involved...please start NC, don't let it be too late.


benska




Edited 9/2/2009 6:17 pm ET by benska2003
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 8:04pm
Yes, I'm very emotionally involved. He dominates my thoughts most of the day. Its crazy how something that makes me 90% crazy,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 10:29pm
Wow! What a mess! I am not saying that you dont feel these deep emotions about this man, but re-read your post and ask yourself, if it was your best friend asking you for advice what would you tell her? You would say RUN...FAST! This man didnt contact you for 7 months claiming that having no job was the reason when in fact he was watching his wife grow larger and give birth to his new baby. That is very bad character as he is lying to you intentionally to keep you on a string. Knowing you feel something for him but also withholding the important information that he is pretending to be the doting husband and father to his W. You are setting yourself up for certain disaster IMO. Start NC now before you get drawn in by more lies and fall deeper under his spell. Entering an A when you are privy to all the facts is one thing, but he constantly lied to keep you from knowing his situation. Face it, this man is a louse. You can do so much better if you leave his sorry a$$ behind. Good luck.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 10:35pm

Hi kelugirl,


I have to agree with benska. I think you should also go NC. I'm not judging in any way. I just know how painful it is the longer the situation goes on. I also have insecurity issues and it makes being in an A so much harder to deal with than someone who doesnt have these issues. I go through the same things sometimes, wondering what he wants from me, waiting and waiting and waiting to hear from him and wanting him to say things so that I know for sure he cares about me and loves me. I get on my own nerves sometimes. I'm trying to work on these issues because I hate being like this, yet I'm so wrapped up in this I'm not sure if I'm going left or right.


It's mentally tiring and really draining. I think about him constantly, it comsumes me some days. You said you feel 90% crazy, sad and mad and 10% of the time happy. I feel exactly the same way. I think we feel this way because we overanalyze everything,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Thu, 09-03-2009 - 3:37pm

Caribu...thank you for your post. To hear a bit of your story, makes me feel like I am not alone. Today was hard - so badly wanted to text him but I just couldn't. I can't go through the anguish of maybe not getting a response but its equally heartwrenching for me not knowing if he still wants to be with me or its done. We had an amazing time on Saturday night - he texted me the next day saying how much he truly enjoyed my company, our chats and how amazing he thinks I am. But nothing since then....


Its funny, I sit here and reread what I wrote above...how I am dying to hear from him...but I should be running the other way. He doesn't care...ABOUT ME...ABOUT HIS SPOUSE...I think he is just that type of person and I am really trying to get beyond that there is something about me he doesn't like. Thats what I struggle with. I have been nothing but the true, real me. I have to get him off the pedestal I have put him on and try and move on. We don't have a future. I think he has issues but I thrive in the fantasy of who he is when we are together. Beyond that, in real life, is he someone I would want to be with, be proud to introduce to my friends and family. Probably not. I need to get out so he can focus on his 2 kids...I don't want to have any part of ruining their innocent lives because of this. It wouldn't be worth it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2009
Thu, 09-03-2009 - 4:24pm
The advice to look at your situation as a third person should give you all the understanding you need to try to break it off. If you weren't emotionally involved and he was just a diversion that's one thing. But your going the wrong way on a one way street.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Fri, 09-04-2009 - 10:38am

wow, I understand exactly what you are going through......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Fri, 09-04-2009 - 1:08pm

I made excuses too...maybe there is something wrong with my phone??!! For 7 months, he couldn't see me (lost his job, baby on the way)...I bought that for awhile but I think if someone really wants to see you, they will make the effort.


Just don't get how he makes me feel like I am "the girl" yet the actions just don't match up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 2:09am

I make excuses too. I hate when phone calls don't come when promised or my text messages get no response. I feel almost devastated and I automatically think it's something I must have said or did at some point or that he isnt interested anymore. Then I say, maybe he can't usethe phone b/c the W is around or maybe something happend to him. I waste so much time and energy in this situation, its sickening. I dont think I can deal with this A much longer. I want him to want to be with me and only me. If he doesnt make some kind of decision soon, I will have to end this. It's just too painful sometimes. I'm trying to hang on for awhile and give him time but not for too much longer.


I am really trying to work on loving myself and bettering who I am. I think that is one of the main reasons I feel so much anguish in this relationship. I know I'm a good woman but these insecurities make you think all kinds of stuff about yourself. It's ridiculous. I will continue to work on me and hope for the best. You gals arent alone, I feel your pain.


We will get through this somehow. Hugs, hugs and more hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 3:23am

Kel,


K we are not seeing the same guy lol but for sure they sound alike.


I know exactly what you feel... for the past year and half I been with xAP, I felt like this intense connection between him and I.

 

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