Too busy for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Too busy for me
27
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 1:45pm
I haven't see mm for almost three weeks now, yesterday we were supposed to see each other but he was feeling too stressed and sick with work, so i told him not to. So today we are talking and all this time he's talking about all the problems at work, and not once mentions us or us getting together. I'm really annoyed how there's always something either too much work or some other things we has to take care after work. I feel empty, i got nothing from our phone conversation, not one sign of afection. I'm tired of trying to keep this relationship alive, but i can't do it alone. Lately there's always an excuse, priorities,etc, that always come before me. I love him but my needs are not being fulfilled...Should I simply give up this relationship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 9:48am
I feel the longer time goes by without NC, the more distant and appart you get from each other, and i can't stand that. I still love him, after all, and i wish it would be easy for me to let go. I go along time without seeing him, then i get so desperate to hear his voice and be part of his life again and i make the first contact and it starts all over again. I think i might be addicted to him somehow, and the more he rejects me the more i want him...that's sick i know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 9:51am
Anyways, I don't know why day after day I sit here waiting to hear from him. I was just getting over it and then it started up again. I hate this!! I think about just telling him I won't see him again, but I probably won't do that. Because when we do get together, its really, really great. And we have never said we love each other or anything like that. It was started mainly for sex and its pretty well stayed that way. Oh well, hopefully this day will go by fast, then maybe I won't think about him on the weekend!! I'm trying to keep myself busy to not think about it.
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 12:37pm
So i thought that he wasn't there today at work (thinking he was sick), and i called to confirm, i was wrong, he was there, just tooo busy as usual....And guess what he hasn't red my email yet, so he has no clue of what is going on with me. Now i'm angry with him, because i asked what were the chances of us seeing each other today and he responded slim to none. I am so angry right now. He will probably open his mail, so i don't know how he will react.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 12:46pm
Im sorry it didn't go so well for you. I know what that's like!! It makes me mad too, when you know they are there, but they are too "busy" to even call or email. Men are inconsiderate like that. Well, I think you should wait til he reads your email and then see what he says. I know its really disappointing when you were hoping to get together and then it doesn't happen. Its been so long for me, I almost can't remember!! Anyhow, hope you will feel a little better. Anger is better than sadness anyways. Less of a "victim" that way.

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 12:57pm
Anyhow, I am feeling kind of down today too. I was hoping to get together this week with him, and now I haven't heard from him all week. And this after he said he would keep in touch better. I don't know what's going on with him. We used to email each other off and on all day long. Then it started to get less frequent. Then I didn't hear from him for that long 7 weeks. Then last week he said he wants to start getting together again regular like we used to. Every week almost for 2 years, we would meet at our favorite hotel. So I've really been missing that. Its the only intimate relationship I have, my H is not interested in sex. Well I guess I am just venting now. And maybe he is ill again, I know last week he told me he was back on some medication that wipes him out. Why oh why, can't they be more considerate of our feelings?? Because they are men. That's why.
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 2:25pm
I would just like to say that we are far too valuable to let men treat us like that. I think that we get too scared if we have NC because we think they will grow apart from us. They are trying to do it already with their actions. With my MM since the A is new (only 3 months) its like a little game, alot of contact at the beginning and then pulling away. What I used to do was call him if he did not call me, but then I got to thinking he likes the attention so I sat on my hands and don't call him at all, he does all of the contact, even if it may take time but again it is new. What I am trying to say is men, I think, are strange and they like to be run after. It is important also to see how the relationship was from the beginning, who contacted who more, was it equal, we tend to get clingy and though we don't realize it, we start doing all the contacting and the "when are we going to see each other"s I think that is when they lose interest. It's like the chase is over. When they do contact it's for the attention and the manipulation because they know they have a hold over the person.

Just a thought ; )

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 2:41pm
What bugs me now is that he used to do all the contacting, calling me 4 to 5 times a day, and sending messages to me all day long. I would always wait for him to do the emailing or the calling first and he did. Now the excuse is "too busy here, going nuts, all hell broke loose, etc.." All the reasons for me not to put more pressure on him and back off. But i got used to getting all the attention before and i'm having a hard time accepting the opposite. I'm sick of asking when do we see each other, i wanted it to be the other way around, i just don't know how to make him ask me instead. I feel emotionally drainned right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 2:54pm
So Sally, are you saying that if we contact them all the time they get tired of it? I'm like Luiz, where he was always the one to contact me first thing in the morning, sometimes I would be the first. But now I am playing the waiting game. If he gets ahold of me, I talk to him and I would like to get together with him again. But earlier this week I did send him a message just saying that I hope we can talk and/or get together sometime. I just sometimes send him short little messages like that and he gets ahold of me soon after. I'm hoping mine is just too sick this week to talk to me. I don't have his phone number, he has mine at work. We only contact each other thru email. Which kind of sucks.
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 2:59pm
Hey Luiz, maybe you shouldn't ask him when can you see him. Let him do the asking. Like I said, if I haven't heard from him in awhile, I just send a little email message, saying "miss talk to you, hope we can get together sometime ...". Then I usually hear from him soon. I'm trying not to put the pressure on either. Because I know they don't like that. It's so hard, I miss him alot. I think he was serious that he wants to get together, but his work is really stressful too (he owns a business) and I know his health hasn't been good. stay strong girl!!

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 3:05pm
Like me I was getting alot of attention, then I gave also, then he kind of stopped, so I stopped completely and he starts again. One thing is I am never the one to suggest when we can see each other he is always the one to suggest. I don't know why I do that but I do even if it kills me inside and am dying to see him. I never call him either, only if he has called me first. I know it sounds like a stupid little game, but it is working so far. Whatever you can call working out.