Too busy for me
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Too busy for me
| Thu, 10-02-2003 - 1:45pm |
I haven't see mm for almost three weeks now, yesterday we were supposed to see each other but he was feeling too stressed and sick with work, so i told him not to. So today we are talking and all this time he's talking about all the problems at work, and not once mentions us or us getting together. I'm really annoyed how there's always something either too much work or some other things we has to take care after work. I feel empty, i got nothing from our phone conversation, not one sign of afection. I'm tired of trying to keep this relationship alive, but i can't do it alone. Lately there's always an excuse, priorities,etc, that always come before me. I love him but my needs are not being fulfilled...Should I simply give up this relationship?

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Dusty
I guess I just don't think about it that much. MM and I contact each other fairly regularly but there are periods when he gets swamped and periods when I get swamped, and when he's swamped I don't even think about it - just go about my own stuff. It's been many years of this....
Edited 10/3/2003 4:31:10 PM ET by issuesongoing
And your last statement is right on the money!
I'll admit that during the first year or two of my A I had unrealistic expectations and I ended up getting hurt (bad). But I've learned alot over the years of this.
A No Strings relationship might sound callous, but it's realistic. It does not mean we don't care a great deal about each other, because we care deeply for one another. I love him. I am secure that he loves me.
I view every bit of time that we do have together as something of himself that he's given to me, and of myself that I've given to him. There are no promises or expectations that things will be a certain way on either side, or even that we'll always be able to give it. But if and when it ever ends, I'll always have that. No one can ever take away what he has given me.
And it's meeting needs on both sides, not just his needs. I have thought for a long time about what needs he meets for me, and I can't put it into words. It's not (just) sex, though. (Certainly not in my case, since he lives on the west coast and I live on the east coast). But outside of the times when we are able to get together in person, we talk every day (when we can) and over the past seven years we've shared so much of our lives together that it's incredible.
That said, I don't even know if I would pursue MM if he and I were suddenly single. It works this way (and it took a lot of work to get it this way) but I honestly don't know if it would work if we were in a 'real' relationship. I don't think I would want to try.
Kari
One thing to keep in mind though, if it helps, is that things DO change throughout the weeks and years of the A. Does not necessarily mean he wants out... it is just an inevitable rollercoaster of change.
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