Too Busy for My Birthday

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Too Busy for My Birthday
10
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 5:57pm
I've been seeing my MM for almost two years. Last year I was surprised with perfume and all kinds of stuff for my birthday. We also snuck out of work, went for ice cream at lunch time. It was awesome.

This year, I asked if we could take a couple hours, go for a nice ride, or maybe go for ice cream like we did last year? He replies back, I can't I have too much going on.That was it. No suggestion for an alternative. Nothing. He hurt me badly because he knows how much I enjoy birthday's. And there isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for him.I'm stuck though because I don't know if I should tell him he hurt my feelings. Or wait till the day of my birthday and see if he surprises me with something? Or just say nothing and act like what he did didn't matter.

I also feel like going into NC, but then I know he's going to say, "What's Wrong, you're not acting yourself?" Are men so blind sometimes that they can't see how little things hurt us?

Any suggestions?


Edited 10/3/2003 6:00:21 PM ET by nyblonde58

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 6:17pm
I do think some men are just that, clueless, when it comes to the little things. Some men have to have it spelled out for them. Others get it...who knows why. But maybe he's not going to just blow it off. That's a hard one to call. I don't know if I'd say anything and just wait and see. Maybe you'll be surprised. If he does blow you off with not even a happy birthday or a card or some kind of acknowledgement, then I'd tell him. Maybe that he hurt your feelings with the fact that he did nothing to show you he thought of your birthday. My MM doesn't think birthdays are anything special, but he knows that I do, so he doesn't just blow it off. When he told me that it's just another day to him(meaning his bday)I said no it's not. I'm glad you were born, so it's just not another day. I know cheesy...Anyhow, tell him that you don't expect the world, but a card or some kind of "I'm happy you were born today", would have been nice. Hope that's not what happens, hope he surprises you...so ahead of time...HAPPY BIRHTDAY!!!! Hope it's great!

Jdreamer96

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 8:29am
Just TELL him that you are disappointed. For goodness sakes, you have been involved with this man for two years!!!! You can't tell him when his behavior disappoints you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 3:50pm
Not to be rude or anything but in your profile it says your bday is March 23...why would you be complaining about it now in October? So are you a aries or a libra?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 4:12pm
There are a number of things running through my mind at the moment. One, he may not realize that last year he set a precedent. Two, he may not realize it's important (though since you *suggested* doing something, that would seem unlikely). Three, he may have remembered and wanted to surprise you (my DH likes to pull harmless little jokes like that) - does he do that sort of thing to other people? Four, if you have been seeing each other for 2 years, it would seem long past the time when you should feel uncomfortable about saying, "I was hoping we could do something nice to make my birthday fun, and it hurt my feelings when you just said no - maybe you didn't realize what it would mean to me."

My OM was on vacation when I had a birthday during our first year, and I got *no* call from him. I was SO hurt, and when he came back from vacation, I let him know it. Lucky for me, while he was on that vacation, he realized just how miserable he was without me, and it was a turning point in our relationship. Plus, he has never let a holiday or birthday go by since without making something of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 9:47pm
Well today is my birthday. I got an email wishing me a happy birthday from him and in the same breath, surprise, he's leaving for a week long vacation in a couple hours. Have a great week! Geez that hurt my feelings something awful. I asked for a quick 5 minutes for a quick bday hug and kiss before he left and he said he didn't have time. Do you believe that - not even 5 minutes! I am so sad about this. Guess that just goes to show how much I meant to him.

Maybe he'll figure it out when he's gone that he hurt my feelings, but I doubt it. Perhaps if I don't contact him in any way while he's away, unlike what I normally would do with notes and pages, maybe he'll get the hint. If not, perhaps this is the perfect time to begin NC and say FU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 11:58pm
I'm really sorry for his complete lack of feelings...what a jerk! I agree, I probably wouldn't talk to him either. That really ticks me off for you! I think I'd have a few final words for him,especially since he couldn't even find the time for a goodbye kiss, birthday kiss, whatever! You deserve more! Well Happy Birthday! I'm sorry it wasn't a better one. Maybe go out with your g/f's this weekend and have a blast without his sorry butt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 4:23pm
hey nyblond -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY yesterday!!

and don't you have your answer about whether MM cares about you?! of course he knows your b-day is an important occasion, but he just ignored it and you, couldn't find 5 minutes to see you, and on top of that is leaving for a vacation he, what, neglected to mention. please girl. he is sooo pulling away from your R and you are trying to hang on by your fingernails.

let this R go..... i know it hurts and will likely require more effort to end it, but really, this man is totally neglecting you and hurting your feelings too -- all this after two years together. he knows he's hurt your feelings and he will NOT realize anything on vacation, except his own selfish pleasures.

No contact and F*** him! i hope i haven't upset you more, and sorry to be so blunt, but i just can't "be supportive" of your R with this jerk.

jeez, sorry about this post -- i just really feel strongly that he doesn't even care about you. you deserve to be treated better than this.

take care,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 4:54pm
Hi,


Maybe, you should be blunt with your mm? Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 4:58pm
Hi,



Happy birthday to you. Take the trip to NC. Have fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 5:34pm
So sorry, sweetie. That's a heck of a way to be blown off, and I know because it happened to me a long time ago (yes, on my birthday!). I think you have your answer about whether he cares, so hang onto your dignity, don't bother calling or emailing or paging or anything of the kind, and head on over to the "Ending an Affair" board for some moral support.

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you had some friends and family to celebrate with. We all deserve love and respect, just because we are human beings and God's creation, and while it may not help you in the romantic department, know that you are loved by many people just for being yourself.