Totally lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Totally lost
2
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 7:37pm

Hi there, i'm just not sure where to turn so I decided to post here and hope to get some input/advise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 3:17am

you poor thing!


did u write that you and he have a child together?


he doesn't want to accept the responsibility that he could cause you to cry, be devastated, etc... that is a common defense mechanism.


you should seek some independent therapy for yourself so you have someone to cry to. crying at home alone is not healthy nor good for you or your children. if you can talk to an objective source regularly you WILL feel better about yourself.


however, you are not the only woman in the world to have martyred/sacrificed herself for her children. they do come first, and you did take a vow. tell yourself you will wait until the youngest one is off to college. let that be your own long range personal secret, and go talk to a counselor in the meantime.


i'm sure the love, affection, and physical intimacy you receive from him help you stay married; but u are right: the pain a divorce will cause will create more tears and days of crying for more people than you just home crying by yourself. and that will not make you feel any better AT ALL. So, grieve your decisions for marriage but love your children, love your family... and if you are meant to be with Him... it could happen. it just may take ten years +?


Good luck my dear!

when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 10:14am

Hi mariemarie, thank you very much for your reply.


No, I don't have children with my AP, just with my H. My youngest is 7 and oldest is 14.