Tracy and Hepburn
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| Fri, 04-09-2004 - 2:49pm |
Hi folks,
Its been a busy week and I've been in lurk mode. Rain, I hope things are going well for you. Juliet, you just _keep_ me laughing! I love the way you took a switch to Switch. And Baiting her, too. ;)
And Red.......((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
Okay, to my topic of the day. While I was at work the other day, one of the nurses commented on Kate Hepburn's undying love for Spencer Tracey. He loved her, but would never leave his wife. She waited for him...and when they could finally be together, he died. :(
I never heard her say that she regretted being his lover all those long years.
I listened to the nurses discussing this and all they had was admiration for her steadfastness.
Now we come to the crux of the matter. I'm sure most of you know that I've made it clear that I won't go through another holiday season like I did last year. I spent the holidays absolutely longing for them to be over so that we could finally start building a life together. I ached with every phone call. I was _miserable._
Fast forward to now. I'm coming to accept that he isn't going to leave his marriage. He's vested. I understand that, and truthfully, it doesn't change how I feel about him. Yes, I'm disappointed. Yes, I want as much of him as I can get. But we do have some fundamental differences in things that would make marriage difficult and I'm not sure which of us would kill the other first if we were constantly together. ROFL
Now, I can keep my word and not go through the holidays the same way as I did last year by doing either of two things. I can make this be friends, but I don't want to do so, or I can just accept that he'll be my lover and friend and co-writer from now on. I guess I'm actually leaning toward the latter. That doesn't mean I won't go out, or have a life. LOL I'm constantly doing things now...no one could say that my life isn't full!
I've read so many of Sweet's posts and they really have touched me. She seems so comfortable in their relationship...even with its limits. It helps to read that, and to read some of the other posts from long term affairs.
Let me add that I've told our friends that we've decided to just _be_ friends. I don't like the fact that they've been worried about me, and have told me so. I would never have let them know we were seeing each other if we hadn't planned on marrying. I think its best for them to think that we've just decided to be friends and not pursue the other. I'm trying to make sure that they know that he's not at fault, that he didn't dump me, and that we're both happy with this choice. Hopefully, this will help some. As much as I hate sneaking around, I'm not comfortable wearing a red A on my forehead for all of my group to see, either.
But he is my Querido. And from eternity, he has been my Querido. And I'm not willing to lose one second, one smidgeon of what life is offering us.
The changes in my life this year have been stunning. Here's my question, folks. Am I thinking logically? Is this making sense? I don't have to have "a man" to be happy nor do I need one to support myself. I choose to continue loving the man whose soul completes my own.
Any and all input will be appreciated.
Cazrida

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Best wishes to you. What a healthy outlook you have!
Edited 4/24/2004 4:33 pm ET ET by julietsfate
(drums fingertips along chin)
Yeah. Keep him however you can get him, as long as you can handle it.
I would, in a heartbeat. Life is short and will be over and you'll have missed out; at the same time it's too long to go through wondering if you might have left something that was great (if incomplete) in the search for something else. I'm a firm believer in better to have loved and lost...
No further insight, no bigger observation. If he's is your Eternal Other Half, and you believe that, and he echoes it... take what you can get.
Missed you this week... glad you posted today.
rain
Oh, yes...he echoes it. And he's sincere. I'm just trying to get a reality check from people who do understand. Considering everything that has happened in my world this year, an outside check helps. ::Grins::
A mistress. Me. Sheez. _No one_ would have ever believed it. Most people still wouldn't.
Myself, included. LOL
Cazrida
I wish you nothing but happiness. I'm sure you'll have ups and downs, but what R doesn't? Just be true to yourself.
Thanks for your reply, Funnyface,
First, if I've learned anything this year, its _never_ to say _never_. ::grins::
I guess you need to know that I'm not closing my options. I've already said that I live a full, busy life. There is no way that he would ever discourage me from meeting people, or seeing someone for that matter. Part of what I love about him is the way he encourages me to stretch and to grow.
I love him. I can't sit around hoping for him to leave some day. I won't. It's far better for me to assume that he'll be married forever and base my actions on _that_ assumption than to base them on a wistful hope that probably won't ever come to pass.
Given the assumption that he's going to stay married, I can either a) drop the relationship...(ain't gonna happen), b) turn it strictly into friends and co-writers...(a possibility that I've wrestled with, but I don't like, or c) accept the fact that we love each other and cherish the time we do have.
I choose the latter. I choose to love.
Cazrida
(((HUGS)))
GB2
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