Trying to Be Patient- Really I Am....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Trying to Be Patient- Really I Am....
2
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:29am
I am so trying to be patient to see if MM will pull the trigger eventually on this connection we have. On Monday, I emailed him in the afternoon and he did not respond via email but called me. Ok, that was fine. On Tuesday we emailed like crazy again and of course it was sexual. Yesterday, there were no emails at all from him and I certainly was not going to 'give in' and send one. Last night I saw him at our kids' hockey game and he was great with me. Seemed nothing had changed even though we did not 'talk' during the day. I had asked him Tuesday morning via email if he would meet me for drinks after work today (thursday) and he said "I justs might have to do that". So last nite I before the game was over I said are you still meeting me? and he said "oh yeah, that's right." And I said 3:15- 3:30 for the time. However, then there were a ton of people and nothing else was said. Sooooooo, do I email him today to confirm? I can't see why he would NOT meet me; but this email like mad one day and then nothing the next- I just can't figure out. Again, when we were talking last nite (away from the crowd) he talked and we flirted like always. I AM TRYING TO BE SO PATIENT HERE, BUT DOES MM REALLY WANT TO DO THE AMYTHING WITH ME OR IS IT ALL JUST "PLAY". IN A NUTSHELL- WHAT IS GOING ON BETWEEN US???? I AM SO CONFUSED AND LOST.

Men on the board- I would value your input. Bad K- if you're reading this- I need your strength as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:48am
Hey hon...he's flirting with you. Will he meet your for drinks? I don't know, you'll definitely have to fill us in. But is he thinking about it, you betcha!! He seems really wishy-washy right now...he's doing what we talked about. It's almost funny when I read your posts, because as I was seeing OM from the very beginning it was this way. He would offer to take me to dinner/movie. And I would say how nice it would be to do that, and then I would chicken out. This happened again and again. His patience is what made it happen.

I have a question for you V; I haven't heard you say anything about him inviting you to lunch. Does he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 8:08am
I'll try from the MM perspective... don't know if you'll like it or not.

There is a HUGE difference between flirting with a woman we have a connection with and actually putting a foot on the path to an A.

I am an attention giver. It gets me into trouble, it always has. I hardly ever mean anything by it, I just like making people feel good about themselves. My W has always said that there are certain people I "light up" for, and that is likely true.

There are definitely some women out there I feel a connection to, either mentally, physically, or otherwise. None of those women were ever candidates to have an A with. Flirting is one thing. Putting my well-being as a MM, as a lover, as a friend into the hands of someone I'm unsure of beyond some self-indulgent flirting just isn't in the cards. I respect myself more than that, and to be honest, I respect my W and M more than that.

Another thing about caution: we never know who might be crazier than ourselves. Some women would just as soon wreck someone's life if they can't have them. You may not be one of them, but the truth is that serial killers look just like everyone else, if you know what I mean...

He might not even be that unhappy at home. Maybe he just flirts for the thrill of it, to get some attention. To be honest, his replies *sound* like he is trying to blow it off. Two incidents of less than confirming replies? Men don't usually do that if we have the intention of following through. We don't play hard to get because no one believes us anyway. If he's being hard to get the odds are that he really is hard to get, possibly because he's married and wishes to stay that way.

Maybe he's unsure he wants an A. Maybe he's unsure about where you stand and how much to trust you. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But I'd be willing to be you one thing, dearie: if you chase him much harder, he'll freak out and run away.

Just my MM persepective. I'm prone to being full of it, so take it with a grain...

rain